Page 56 of When We Were Reckless
“No fucking clue.” His voice was low and rough, his blue eyes darker.
My eyes drifted shut when his mouth captured mine, and a deep guttural groan ripped from his throat that shot straight to my core.
A person could drown in a kiss like this. My head was swimming, and my body turned to liquid heat as his tongue stroked mine and his hand kneaded my ass cheek, his other hand holding the back of my head to keep me where he wanted me. With my lips pressed against his, our tongues tangled in a crazy dance that stole my breath and made me dizzy and lightheaded.
Maybe we kissed for hours. Or only minutes. I couldn’t say. But when he pulled back, my lips were swollen and bruised, and I still wanted more. So I told him that. So bravely, and so boldly.
“I want more,” I whispered, rocking my hips, seeking the friction. I could feel his erection, and I wanted to shove my hand into his swim trunks and wrap my hand around his hard length. Test it. Squeeze it. Rub the head against my entrance and sink down on him.
“How much more?” he murmured, his lips pressed against my neck, his fingers digging into my soft skin. I arched my neck, giving him better access, and he kissed his way up my neck to the sensitive spot just below my ear.
I shuddered, my chest heaving. My nipples strained against the confines of the two triangles of my bikini top, and my breasts felt so heavy, they ached.
“I want it all.” I arched my back, rubbing my breasts against his chest, my nipples so sensitive, so needy. If he didn’t touch me, if he didn’t ease this ache inside me, I felt like I might die. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
“You think you can do that?” He grasped my chin in one of his big veiny hands, forcing my eyes to meet his. “You think you can separate the physical from the emotional?”
“Yes,” I lied. Jesse’s eyes narrowed in disbelief. Obviously, he needed more convincing. “I know you’re not looking for a relationship. Neither am I. At the end of the summer, I’m out of here. This will never be more than a summer fling.”
“Is that right?” He bit my earlobe then sucked on it to ease the sting, sending a delicious shiver down my spine. I wasn’t fooling him any more than I was fooling myself, but I persevered.
“I’m over you, Jesse.” I dug my fingers into his shoulders. God, I loved the feel of him. His rock-hard chest against mine. The tautness of his muscles under that warm golden skin. I reveled in the fact that I got to touch him like this where before he’d only been a dream. Now he was solid, real, so deliciously perfect.
My core clenched, the tight bundle of nerves between my thighs throbbing, and even if we hadn’t been in a swimming pool, I knew that I’d be dripping wet for him.
I wanted him so badly I would have said or done whatever it took to have him, so I was willing to play dirty if it got me what I wanted. “Before I head to California, I’m planning to lose my virginity, so if it’s not you, it will be somebody else. I’ll give it to someone who isn’t you.”
His body stiffened, shoulders tensing under the palms of my hands.
I knew that Jesse didn’t want me, but he didn’t want anyone else to have me either. So why not use that to my advantage?
Maybe I should have been ashamed of stooping to conquer, but I wasn’t. Right now, I couldn’t even think straight. I ached for him. Craved him like a junkie in need of a fix.
“Don’t play these games with me,” he rasped, his teeth sinking into my bottom lip. I didn’t even care if his teeth drew blood. I loved the pain he gave. I loved this side of Jesse that I’d never gotten to see before. “That’s not something you give away to just anyone. Not until they earn it.”
I loved how hard he was working to fight this, but at the same time, he was still holding onto me like he couldn’t let me go.
It was a game of push and pull, and for the first time in my life, I knew which buttons to push. In some ways, I knew Jesse better than he could ever know. The result of a lifetime of loving him and watching him and dreaming about him.
“I’ll show you my scars,” I said finally, tossing my last bargaining chip onto the table. “I’ll let you trace your fingers over them. Or your lips…” I traced his lips with my fingertip, noting how his eyes were hooded and his big hands squeezed my ass. “If you want to,” I whispered, my eyes locked on him. “I’ll let you do that. Because I trust you.”
I was offering myself up to him on a silver platter.
That’s how desperate I was. And that did it.
My words, my promise to bare myself to him and nobody else, to make myself so vulnerable for him and him alone, loosened every last bit of resolve he was still desperately trying to cling to.
“Fuck,” he growled, knowing he’d been beaten.
Without letting me go, he waded through the water to the steps and climbed out of the pool, carrying me with him, my body clinging to his.
I’d expected him to keep going, to stride into the house and across the kitchen floor and up the stairs to my bedroom. But he didn’t do that.
When we reached the loungers on the side of the pool, he laid me down on one and leaned over me. I moved my hands to the back of his head and pulled him down to me for a kiss.
“I’m not going to fuck you tonight.”
Disappointment and hope warred within me. He wasn’t going to fuck me, but he’d saidtonight. Which implied there’d be other nights.
