Page 47 of When We Were Reckless
But Quinn was looking for something I couldn’t give her. She wanted love. Something real and strong and true. She still believed in happily ever after and fairytale romance. She still had stars in her eyes and wore her heart on her sleeve, and I knew with absolute certainty that if she gave me that heart, I would break it.
I wasn’t in the right place in my life to make her dreams come true or to open my heart to her. Right now, I was too fucked up. Still hanging on to so much bitterness and anger that I’d never be able to give her all of me. And Quinn shouldn’t have to settle for less.
“If I kissed you… if I touched you in all the places I wanted to, it wouldn’t mean anything. It would be purely physical. It would be meaningless sex.”
“I don’t believe you. You’re lying again.” Her touch grew bolder, and she traced my lying lips with her index finger.
“I’m not lying.” I didn’t want to be careless with Quinn’s feelings or promise her something I couldn’t deliver.
“You lie to yourself all the time. You’re lying now. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so scared. If it meant nothing to you, you’d kiss me dizzy, and you’d… you would do the things I imagine and dream about. I want to know what it feels like.”
“What happened to waiting for the person who treats you like a queen?”
“Why can’t that be you?”
“Because it can’t be.”
“And yet… you don’t want me to be with anyone else.”
Yeah, I couldn’t explain that one either, so I remained silent.
“You don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me.”
“I never said I didn’t want you.” My erection was proof of that. My hands cupping her ass, holding her in place, was further proof. But lust was completely different than love.
“How can I write something that I’ve never experienced?”
My brows shot up in surprise. “You write about sex?”
“Well…” She chewed on her lower lip. “I had to skip those scenes. I need to do more research. I…” Her eyes lowered, and she averted her face. “I watched some things on my laptop….”
I couldn’t help it. A laugh burst out of me.
She huffed out a breath and tried to climb off me. I should have let her go, but I held on tighter so she couldn’t escape.
“What did you watch, Sunshine Girl? Did you watch porn?”
She nodded, shocking me into silence. This girl was full of surprises. I would never have guessed that sweet, innocent Quinn Cavanaugh would even consider watching porn.
“And did you like it?” I squeezed her ass, prompting her to answer my question. My dick twitched just thinking about her lying on her bed, watching porn on her laptop while she touched herself. “Did you touch yourself?”
I shouldn’t be asking her this, but she’d been the one to bring it up, and now it was the only thing I could think about.
“Yes. But it’s not the same.” She rocked her small body against my erection, and I should have stopped it, but I didn’t, which seemed to be a recurring theme whenever Quinn and I were together.
“Tell me. Tell me how you imagine it.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to imagine it. I want you to show me.” She got up on her knees and rubbed against me, her breasts pressed against my chest. Taunting. Teasing.
“Don’t play these games with me, baby girl.”
“Or what? What will you do, Jesse? Will you take my virginity and show me what it’s like to be with a man? Or maybe you’re not brave enough for that. Maybe you’re just a scared boy—”
I grasped her chin and crushed my lips against hers, effectively shutting her up. She’d played me, and I’d fallen for it, but I didn’t give a shit right now. I was kissing Quinn, and she was right. I didn’t want any other guy to have that privilege.
Her lips parted on a gasp, and I slid my tongue inside her mouth, stroking the deepest recesses.
She tasted just as sweet as I remembered. She tasted like sunshine and summertime and long-forgotten innocence.
