Page 27 of When We Were Reckless
“You don’t look fine to me. And walking away when you still have something to prove isnotthe way I raised you.”
Fucking hell. I clenched my jaw so tightly I was surprised my molars didn’t crack. Breathe, Jesse. In. Out. In. Out.
He was kicking me when I was already down. And he had no fucking idea what he was talking about.
“You think I wanted to walk away when I wasn’t on top?” I gritted out. “You think this waseasyfor me?”
“I don’t know what the hell to think. Why don’t you tell me what the hell happened?”
I shook my head and snorted in disgust. “I don’t feel like I should have to explain myself. It was my career. My choice to leave. And it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with you.”
“Have you ever been a professional athlete?” Brody asked. He aimed the question at my dad, and it was rhetorical. “No, you sure as hell haven’t. So you don’t know the first fucking thing about the demands of a sport like motocross. It’salmostas demanding as bareback bronc riding.”
I snorted. It was an age-old battle between us.
“Sometimes, you just gotta know when it’s time to walk away,” Brody said. “And Jesse feels that time has come. So leave him the hell alone and enjoy the dinner my girlfriend cooked for you.”
My dad opened his mouth to speak, but the baby started crying, and Jude narrowed his gaze on my dad. “You’ve upset Gracie.”
“It’s not my fault you insist on carrying her everywhere you go,” he muttered.
But Jude was too busy fussing over his baby girl to respond. Usually, he would have been the one standing up to my dad. Which just went to show how distracting this parenting gig was.
Just then, Noah climbed the porch stairs, carrying his little brother under the armpits. When he set him down, he wiped the sweat off his forehead and leaned over, his hands on his bent knees while he panted. “Levi’s getting too fat. He weighs a ton.”
Lila laughed. “You don’t have to carry him. He can walk.”
“I’m working on my muscles so they can be as big as Dad’s.” He made a muscle. “See? Big guns, right?”
“Put the guns away, and nobody will get hurt,” Brody said.
Noah cracked up. He was laughing so hard he doubled over. When he pulled himself together, he wrapped his arm around my mom and patted her cheek. “Hi, Grandma. You’re so pretty. Can we have dessert now?”
My mom laughed. “You must have learned a thing or two from your Uncle Jesse.”
Noah’s brows furrowed. “Huh?”
“He was a charmer, just like you.”
Not so much anymore, but I kept my mouth shut. I’d said enough.
I loved my family, and I usually enjoyed spending time with them, but this dinner couldn’t be over fast enough.
A crushing weight pressed down on my chest, making it hard to breathe. Every time I thought about the way my career ended, the way I’d sabotaged my future, shame and anger warred inside me.
I had to get out of here. So I made my excuses, and I strode away, ignoring the look of disappointment on my mother’s face.
* * *
The Texas Hill Country had some of the best back roads for motorcycle riding, and this road was one of my favorites—a winding, two-lane road with switchbacks and blind turns that cut through the trees and had little traffic on it. I’d been riding for two hours ever since I walked out on my family dinner.
The sun was setting, the sky painted orange and pink as I headed back home, calmer and more focused, feeling more relaxed now that I’d had a chance to clear my head.
I didn’t need drugs or alcohol. I was an adrenaline junkie, and nothing gave me a bigger rush than speed. Nothing made me feel more alive than being right on the edge of losing control.
I leaned into the turn and straightened up when I hit a straight, flat section.
Up ahead, a few cars lined the shoulder of the road, and loud music drew my gaze to the grove of live oaks, where I caught a glimpse of blonde hair. It could have been anyone. No reason to think it was her.
