Page 14 of When We Were Reckless
I didn’t know if it was a coincidence, but this was my third shift this week, and Jesse had worked the same hours as me. If I complained to my brothers, they’d want to know why I had a problem with Jesse. Since I couldn’t tell them the truth, I had to keep it to myself.
But the truth was that I hadn’t felt a sense of victory after I’d said those words to him last week.
I’d hurt him, I could tell.
And hurting Jesse made my heart hurt too. That was how I knew my words had been empty. No matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I was still in love with him. Probably always would be.
But I needed to protect my fragile heart.
If I put myself out there again, only to get knocked down, the only one who would get hurt was me.
My words might have hit a nerve, but the most they’d done was bruise his ego, not break his heart.
* * *
Jesse was waiting for me when I came out of the restroom after my shift. On the way out, I said goodbye to Mason, who practically lived here. I didn’t say anything when Jesse walked me to my car. Maybe he wasn’t even walking me to my car. His motorcycle was parked right next to it.
“Since you’re stuck with me all summer, how about we call a truce?”
Instead of getting into my car and driving away, I leaned against the side of it, facing him, arms crossed over my chest for protection.
Why did I have to love him? Of all the guys in the world, why had I fallen for him? None of my old feelings had gone away either. But I shoved them deep inside and vowed not to let them resurface.
“A truce?”
“Before I said all that shit and before… the kiss… we were friends, right?”
The kiss. So Jessedidremember it.
I lifted one shoulder, schooling my features so he couldn’t read my expression. “I guess so.” To me, we were so much more than just friends, but I guess that’s all we’d ever been.Friends.
“I know it’s not a good excuse, but I’ve been going through a rough patch. It’s been a shitty year. Not a matter of life and death like what you went through.”
It was his vulnerability that got to me. Jesse had always been so confident, so sure of his path in life, and so focused on his career that I couldn’t imagine how empty his life must feel without it. “There are all different kinds of deaths. The death of a dream is just as bad. And I’m… I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened, but I know how much your career meant to you. You wouldn’t just walk away without a good reason.”
He gave me a small smile, but to me, it looked so sad. “Is California still your dream?’
I nodded. “Yeah. I… still want that. I know my family isn’t thrilled. But I just want something of my own, you know. I feel like they’ve done so much for me, and it feels important that I don’t waste this opportunity. I mean, I’ve been given a second chance at life, and I want to live it fully.” That sounded dramatic, but that’s how it felt. “And I want them to see that I’m okay. I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can.” He said it without a moment’s hesitation like he genuinely believed that.
That was the thing about Jesse. He always used to believe in me. Never made fun of my dreams or belittled them or me. So that’s why it had been even more hurtful that night when he’d say those things to me.
“Do you still want to be a writer?”
I smiled because he remembered. He remembered when I told him that was my dream. “Yeah. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. And to travel and see the world. I still want to do all those things.”
“Then I hope all your dreams come true.”
He sounded so sincere that I believed him. And the part of me that had always cared about Jesse prompted me to ask, “And what about you?”
“I guess I need some new dreams.”
“Yeah, I guess you do. Because a life without dreams is just too sad for words.”
There was that smile again. The one that looked so sad. The one that made me want to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything would be okay, that he’d find a new dream, and someday he’d forget all about Alessia Rossi. But I stayed where I was, my arms still crossed over my chest, and made no move to comfort him.
“So… friends?”
