Page 130 of When We Were Reckless
My brothers had always tried to protect me from bad things. They’d been doing it, each in their own ways, ever since I was born. Whenever my parents were fighting, they used to distract me, turn up the volume on a movie or take me outside so I wouldn’t have to hear it. Declan used to let me play video games with him. We used to bake too. Which was funny to think about now. Big bad Declan baking cupcakes and brownies with me.
Holden used to take me on nature walks, on the same trails where we took Jesse’s nephews. Flora and Fauna were Holden’s jam. His way to find peace in a world that was sometimes chaotic.
And Mason… he’d always worried about me far more than he should. Far more than what was healthy. I knew his heart was in the right place, but he needed to let me go. It wasn’t his place to right every perceived wrong or to make decisions on my behalf. And, as far as I was concerned, whatever I’d done with Jesse this summer was none of his business.
It was a blessing and a burden to be loved as much as my family loved me. Sometimes, it felt almost claustrophobic. Like I needed to break away and do my own thing. Make my own mistakes without them feeling the need to fix things.
My family knew about us now. They knew about Jesse and me.
And he wasn’t even here. He’d promised that he would stay. Instead, he left me with a fractured wrist, a mild concussion, road rash, and a broken heart. And I knew why he wasn’t here, too. My family had sent him away.
“You’re not eating your breakfast,” Declan said, scowling at me from his spot against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest like my not eating was a personal affront.
“I’m not hungry. But thank you,” I added. Because he’d made me a special breakfast—a fancy acai bowl that was so beautiful to look at, it really was. This morning, he brought it to the hospital, claiming that the hospital food was disgusting. Which it was. But I’d taken two bites just to appease him, and I couldn’t force myself to take another one.
I wanted to leave the hospital and had begged to be released. I hated the smell—antiseptic with the artificial scent of soap and disinfectant that left a bitter taste on my tongue. I hated all the noise. Alarms and beeping and the sound of a patient down the hall yelling and moaning. I barely slept last night. The nurse told me I needed to rest, but every time I’d almost fallen asleep, someone came in to check my vitals. How often did they need to shine a light in my eyes and check my blood pressure to confirm that I was alive and well?
I wanted out, but they were keeping me in for observation.
Mason’s gaze dipped to the orange cast on my arm, and I saw the accusation in his eyes. “I can’t believe he fucking did this to you.”
I let out a weary sigh. “I told you it was all my fault, not Jesse’s.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute.”
“Believe what you want. It’s true.I’mthe one who went after him.I’mthe one who let go when I was riding on the back of his bike. And I’m the one who asked him to keep it a secret. So it was all on me.” Which was all true. “So stop blaming him.”
My words fell on deaf ears. Mason didn’t want to hear it. He wanted to believe it was all Jesse’s fault, that I was too pure and innocent to concoct a plan like that or go after his friend.
Everything was such a mess. My parents were arguing, and if it was up to them, I wouldn’t even be allowed to go to California. But I wasn’t going down without a fight. It was time for everyone to realize that I wasn’t a little kid anymore and could make my own life choices.
So I fought tooth and nail, and I won that battle. Kind of. My father was coming to California with me. He was going to rent a place in Santa Monica so he could be there for me whenever I needed him. Unlike my mom, my dad hadn’t been as angry about Jesse and me being together as I thought he would.
“What about Camilla?” I asked.
He gave me a sad smile. “It didn’t work out.”
I wasn’t sure if I should feel happy or upset. “I’m sorry.”
“We’re at very different places in our lives. She wants children, and I’ve already raised four amazing kids. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything in the world, but I don’t want to go down that road again. Not at my age.”
“So you’re coming to college with me instead.”
He rubbed his hands together like the prospect thrilled him. “Can’t wait.”
“You won’t be popping up all over campus or anything, right?”
“Are you kidding? I’m planning to come to all the parties and sit right next to you in your lectures. I’ll be like a barnacle, stuck to your side. You won’t be able to get rid of me.”
I laughed. It was the first time I’d laughed in days.
At first, I wasn’t sure how I felt about my dad being out in California, so close by, but I was getting used to the idea. Maybe we’d get close again like we used to be.
* * *
Five days.
That was how long it had been since I last saw Jesse. For all I knew, he was in California by now.
