Page 125 of When We Were Reckless
I pulled on my helmet and climbed on behind him, thankful that I could hide my face so he wouldn’t be able to see my tears.
Chapter Forty-Two
Quinn
We tookthe winding back roads. I didn’t know where we were going, but it didn’t matter. I loved the freedom of the open road, the night air sweet and fragrant, cooler than it had been during the day when the temperatures had been in the nineties.
Tonight was so bittersweet. It felt like the end of something special. Something magical. Because it was. I loved Jesse just as much as I always had, even more now. But that was just it. I loved him, and he didn’t love me.
I couldn’t keep wishing and hoping that he’d change his mind about us. If he hadn’t already, he never would. So I had to be brave and strong and tell him goodbye.
So I loosened my hold on him. I wasn’t holding on as tightly. And then I let go of him altogether. I unwound my arms that were wrapped around him and slowly, ever so slowly, my thighs squeezing the seat underneath me to stay balanced, I sat up a little straighter, a little taller, and I held my arms out at my sides. I felt the warm breeze sift through my fingers, and I tasted the salty tears on my lips.
It made me feel a little wobbly, a little bit unbalanced, not holding on to Jesse. But I couldn’t keep hanging on to someone who didn’t want me the way I wanted him.
I didn’t want to be that girl. I refused to be that girl any longer. Not even for the guy I’d loved all my life. Because I’d learned a few things this summer. I learned that someone could be kind but cruel at the same time. I learned that you never get over your first love, but you could eventually move on. And I learned that unrequited love was more tragic than the love story of the Sun and the Moon. Because at least the Sun acknowledged his love for the Moon.
Jesse must have realized that I’d let go because I could feel us slowing down. He was easing up on the throttle, and he was watching me in the side mirror. I couldn’t see his face clearly, but I had a feeling he was angry. He’d always told me to hang on tight, and usually, I did, but tonight I hadn’t listened.
I was so busy watching him in the side mirror that I didn’t even notice the car.
One minute, I had my arms out to my side, the seat between my thighs, and the next thing I knew, I was on the ground, and all the air had been knocked out of my lungs.
“Quinn. Baby, can you hear me?” His voice sounded far away like it was coming to me from the end of a tunnel.
I opened my eyes and blinked, trying to bring him into focus. “Jesse?” I tried to sit up. Pain radiated down my left arm. A sharp pain that made me dizzy and nauseous.
“Don’t try to move, okay? Just tell me where it hurts.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “Where does it hurt, Quinn?”
I sucked in a sharp breath and let out a whimper. “My arm.”
“Your left arm?”
“Yes.” I whimpered again. God, I hated that I kept doing that, but everything hurt, and I felt like I was going to throw up.
“How about your head? Does your head hurt?”
“I don’t… I don’t know….” I wasn’t sure. How could I not know if my own head hurt?
“The ambulance is on the way,” a man’s voice said.
“Thanks,” Jesse said.
“I didn’t even see you coming,” a woman’s voice said. She sounded older, her voice warbling on the words like she was upset. “I’m awful sorry about this. I was trying to get to my granddaughter, you see. She needed me.”
I didn’t hear whatever Jesse said in reply. I broke out in a cold sweat, and my stomach was churning.
“Quinn,” Jesse said so softly, his voice filled with so much pain that I wanted to comfort him.
“I’m okay. I just…” I tried to suck air into my lungs and get the world to stop spinning.
“I’m going to move you off the road, okay? I’ll try to be as careful as I can, but if it hurts, tell me.”
He slid one arm under my knees and supported my back with the other arm, and then he lifted me up off the road and into his arms. I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back the tears. It hurt so much, and I was so nauseous.
“You’re okay,” he said. “Everything is going to be okay.”
He was holding me now, cradling me in his lap like a broken doll, and he was trying to be so careful with me that it made me cry. He’d taken off my helmet, and I leaned my cheek against his shoulder.
