Page 103 of When We Were Reckless
“So, what’s the problem?”
She sighed and chewed on her lip. “Before this email, it just felt like a possibility. I mean, I knew I was going to UCLA. I got an acceptance letter. But this makes it real. They have a room for me. It’s not just a dream in the distant future. This is really happening.” Her brow furrowed like she couldn’t understand how or why this was happening. “And it’s… it’s happening really soon, Jesse.”
I looked down at her hands—she was ripping her paper napkin into shreds—then back at her face.
She was nervous, maybe a little bit scared. That’s how it felt when you did something big and new. Even when it was something you’ve wanted for a long time, it was natural to feel apprehensive.
“What if I… what if I don’t make any friends?” she said. “What if it’s like fourth grade all over again, and nobody wants to hang out with me? And what if I… what if I fail? I mean, it’s a really good school, and everyone is probably super smart, and I’m not… I mean, I got straight As and everything, but that’s only because I worked hard and studied a lot. It’s not like I’m a rocket scientist. It’s not like it comes easy to me or I’m some kind of genius—”
“Quinn.”
She lifted her head. “Jesse. What if I—”
“Quinn,” I said again, reaching across the table and taking her hands in mine. I gave them a little squeeze, trying to reassure her. “First of all, you are smart, or you wouldn’t have gotten in. And the fact that you work hard for your grades makes you that much more likely to succeed. And regarding friends… anyone who doesn’t want to be your friend is missing out.”
“But—”
“No more buts. Are you done eating?”
She nodded.
“Let’s get out of here.” It smelled like fried food and burnt coffee in this diner. We needed some fresh air.
When we got out to my truck, I opened the passenger door and waited for her to climb in before I closed it and rounded the hood.
“You’re going to make friends.” I rolled down the windows to let some fresh air in before pulling out of the parking lot. The rain had stopped, and the sun was burning through the clouds. I flipped down my visor to shield my eyes against the glare. “College isn’t like grade school or high school….”
“How would you know? You’ve never been to college.”
I winced. It was true, but I hated to be reminded of it. “Yeah, well, I’m not as smart as you.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I know.” It was my own stupid insecurity, and I knew she wasn’t trying to make me feel bad about it. “But from what I’ve heard, college is a lot different. You’ll find your tribe. Just by being yourself, you’ll attract the right people into your life. And you won’t fail. You’re smart and determined, and you work hard for the things you want. It’s going to be amazing. I can feel it. In the meantime, you still have the rest of the summer. Don’t waste it worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet.”
“Okay. I just…” Her eyes lowered to her clasped hands.
“You just what?” I prompted.
“Never mind.” She gave me a smile, but I could tell it was forced.
“Hey. Everything is going to be okay.”
She swallowed hard. For a girl who had her sights set on UCLA, she looked pretty fucking miserable now that it was actually happening.
I ran my hand through my hair, trying to come up with the words that would make her feel better. Maybe she was looking for a way out. “Are you having second thoughts? Because if you want to stay here in Texas, I’m sure you could go to any college you want.” I didn’t want to let on that I knew for a fact she could go to college right here in Austin.
Quinn shook her head. “My dad told me about UT,” she admitted. “He just wanted to make sure UCLA was what I really wanted before he paid the tuition.”
She didn’t sound angry about it, and I was relieved that her dad told her. There were already too many secrets and lies this summer.
“It’s just kind of scary when your dreams come true.”
“It can be. But it would be tragic if you let your fear stop you from doing the things you dream about.”
“I won’t let that happen,” she stated firmly.
“Good.” I glanced at her. She looked pensive, lost in her thoughts, and the atmosphere felt too fucking heavy for a summer day. “How about we go and have some fun?”
