Page 66 of When the Storm Breaks
My cue to leave. I strode to the door, but Lila jumped up from her seat and grabbed my arm to stop me.
“Brody,” she whispered. Her dark brows furrowed, and she searched my face for an answer.
I studied her pretty heart-shaped face. Her eyes were vivid green, the same shade of green as the tall grass in the field. She still had a few freckles on her nose although they’d faded over the years. Same full lips and wide smile that lit up her whole damn face.
When we were kids, we rode horses together. Skipped rocks in the creek. Camped out in the backyard and told ghost stories. Me, Lila, and Jude had been inseparable. When we were in high school, I beat up Kyle Matthews for talking shit about her. When her mom died and she and Jude had a falling out, it was me she used to talk to about how much she missed her mom and what an asshole her stepdad was. When her stepdad skipped out and she moved in with us, her bedroom right down the hall from mine, I saw her every single day and I tried my best not to notice that the girl I’d grown up with had developed curves in all the right places and had a way of putting a smile on my face even on the worst days.
In our late teens and early twenties, when Jude was serving his five years of active duty in the Marines, we used to hang out a lot. She came to my rodeos and cheered louder than anyone. I took her to parties and football games at UT Austin so she wouldn’t miss out on the college experience. I did it for Jude because he’d asked me to look out for her but that wasn’t the only reason I did it. I loved spending time with Lila. I loved her laugh and her stubbornness and her resilience. I loved everything about her.
When Jude came home from Afghanistan and started self-medicating with drugs and booze, it was me who Lila confided in. It was me she called when she had a miscarriage and Jude was too stoned and high and drunk to get out of bed and drive her to the hospital. I was the one she called when Jude OD’d, and she was out of her mind with worry. By some miracle, I’d found him in a field, just in time.
When Noah was born, I insisted on being in the delivery room. I didn’t give a shit if she wanted me there or not, I wasn’t about to miss the birth of my son. She’d squeezed my hand so tightly I thought she’d broken some bones. But I didn’t give a shit. The most important thing to me was that I’d been there for her through it all.
All of these memories raced through my head in the span of thirty seconds. Like a high-speed movie reel of Lila and Brody highlights over the years.
But I sure as hell wasn’t going to admit any of this now. Not in front of my entire family. Not at all.
Jude won, I lost. But for the first time in longer than I could remember, it didn’t feel like I had lost. I didn’t feel any of the old bitterness or resentment. Now I could look into Lila’s eyes without wondering what if...
Instead of seeing my future, I saw my past.
We were never meant to be and as much as it pained me to admit it, Jude was right. I wanted Shiloh in a way I’d never wanted Lila. And even if it would only be for another two weeks, and what I had with Shiloh could never be real, Shiloh already knew me in ways that Lila never had, never would. And I’d like to think she accepted me for exactly who I was. A rude, dirty-mouthed, asshole of a cowboy who had been known to get into too many fights, drink too much, and speak his own truth.
I opened the barn door and walked right the hell out of there, leaving Lila and my family behind. When I was halfway across the backyard, Lila caught up to me and grabbed my arm to stop me. “Brody... talk to me.”
With a weary sigh, I turned to face her. Lila had never been one to let things go and I should have known she wouldn’t do it now. “Why? What good would it do?”
“I just feel...” She gnawed on her bottom lip. “I’m so sorry I relied on you so much. I never meant to take advantage... I had no idea how you felt about me.”
It was funny that Lila was the only one who had never seen it. But her love for Jude had made her blind. She never saw anyone but him. “You never took advantage. I’ve never done anything I didn’t want to. I wanted to be there for you.” And that was the damn truth. I’d been let down so many times in my life. Had been screwed over and fucked up beyond repair. So, a long time ago, I’d vowed that I wouldneverfail the people I loved and cared about. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Her eyes welled up with tears. “I love you, Brody. You know that, right?”
I knew she loved me but like I’d told Shiloh there were all different kinds of love and the love Lila and I had for each other wasn’t the romantic kind. You would have thought I’d have figured this out a long time ago but for far too long I’d stubbornly clung to an ideal of love that was never real. “Love you too. And don’t worry your pretty head. I’m not in love with you.”
“I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
“Yeah, well, I can think of plenty of times you did stupid things.” She laughed a little and smacked my arm, still so physical.
“Most of the stupid things I did were with you.”
“I always brought out the best in you.”
“You did though. You really did. You were always there for me and I’ll never ever forget everything you did for me over the years.” She began crying and maybe she was remembering everything the way I just had.
“Am I dying? Have the doctors given me six months to live and I don’t know about it?”
“Ugh. You’re the worst.” Catching me off guard, she threw her arms around me and held on tight. My arms wrapped around her and I took a deep breath. She still smelled like spring rain and honeysuckle. She was still, and always would be, the mother of my child and my best friend and the first girl I had a crush on. History couldn’t be erased but that’s all it was. History. Something to be left in the past where it belonged.
“I’m getting mascara on your clean T-shirt,” she said, her voice muffled.
I laughed. “Not the first time a girl has cried on my T-shirt.”
“I’ve cried on your T-shirt so many times.”
We were still wrapped in an embrace when my eye caught Jude’s. He was standing outside the barn watching me hold his wife. If this had happened five or ten years ago ... hell, even two years ago... we would have ended up in a fight. He would have thrown the first punch and we would have kept punching long after we’d both gone down. Now he just stood there, an expression on his face I couldn’t read. Not smug, exactly. Secure in the knowledge that Lila belonged to him and nobody, not even his jackass cousin, could ever destroy that bond or the love they had for each other.
I released Lila and she smiled up at me through her tears. My first instinct was to wipe them away, but Jude appeared at her side and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. It was his job to take care of Lila. Message received. I wasn’t even mad about it.
