Page 61 of When the Storm Breaks
“This is my life, and you’re just passing through on your way to something better,” he said.
“I’m not sure I’d call it something better.” I watched Buster running in circles, chasing his tail. “It’s just… different.”
“Call it what you want but it doesn’t change the fact that this is just a pit stop for you. And while we’re on the topic, I don’t want Noah getting too attached to you either. It’s my job to protect him and there’s no sense in letting him get close when you’ll be leaving soon. So I’d appreciate it if you stayed away from him.”
I opened my mouth to protest then shut it again. It hurt that he would say that to me but he was trying to look out for his son so who was I to say he was wrong?
Hurt and defeated with nothing left to say, I walked out of the barn as Glenn pulled up in his truck and parked by the round pen. Brody was starting another colt this morning and as usual had a ‘shitload of work.’
I’d just stay out of his way.
* * *
The next morning,instead of meeting Brody at the stables for our early morning horse ride, I went for a run. He hadn’t called or come over last night and I told myself it was for the best. My real life was starting to catch up to me, my time for rest and relaxation was running out, and I was feeling the pressure.
“We’ve added more dates to the fifth leg of the tour,” Marcus told me on the phone later that morning. The fifth leg of my tour felt like a million years from now. He reeled off the dates and cities and told me he’d email the schedule. The new dates meant this tour wouldn’t finish until April of next year. The tour had started four months ago which would make it a fifteen-month tour by the time it ended.
“Sounds good.” And it did. This was what I was meant to be focusing on. My music career. My own life. My future.
“Naomi set up a press junket in Europe.” He talked about the radio shows and interviews my publicist had arranged for me when I arrived in the UK in June. At the end of our conversation, he reminded me to tweet more, then asked how I was doing.
“I’m doing great.” I forced some cheer into my voice. He didn’t need to know about my period cramps or my shitty mood, thanks to a certain cowboy. “Just relaxing and working on my new music.”
“Good, good. That’s what I want to hear. We’ll have to discuss dates and make arrangements for getting you back into the recording studio for the next album.”
My management team was the best in the business, and I trusted Marcus’ ability to help shape and grow my career, but there was no room for slacking. I had to fight tooth and nail to convince him that I desperately needed six weeks of uninterrupted R&R before the next leg of the tour, without having to do promo or appearances or fundraisers to increase my media presence.
When a tour costs tens of millions of dollars and takes months and months of planning and logistics to put together, you couldn’t afford to slack off. I had to go on that stage every night and perform, give my fans what they’d paid for no matter what was going on in my personal life. And I would. There was so much riding on this tour, and I would deliver. The alternative was unthinkable, and I never let my mind go there.
We wrapped up our call and two minutes later my phone buzzed with another incoming call. I stared at the screen. I couldn’t avoid him forever. Maybe talking to Landry was just what I needed. He was family. Myonlyfamily. So I answered my phone.
“Hey Landry. How’s it going?”
“Are you okay?”
I took a seat in the green Adirondack chair and stared at the lake through the trees. It was raining, a thin layer of mist shrouding the lake, and the air had cooled. “I’m fine.”
He was quiet for a beat. “Why are you ignoring my calls?”
“I texted you back.” I tucked my legs underneath me and absently chewed on my thumbnail.
“What’s going on with you, Shy? And where the hell are you?”
“Nothing is going on with me. I told you already. I wanted to get out of L.A. Lay low for a while.”
“Right. Okay.” He sounded hurt and I hated that. “You don’t even want to tell me where you are.”
“Landry. I’m not doing any of this to hurt you.” I wanted to tell him where I was and why I was here. I wanted to tell him I saw Hayley and she was happy. But something stopped me from saying the words. It was sad to think I didn’t trust my own brother. But if I told him about Hayley, it would go straight back to Dean and I didn’t want him to know about this. “You made your choices and so did I.”
“Oh. We’re going there, are we?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to kick myself for saying that. “No. We’re not going there. I don’t want to argue with you, okay? I’m tired of arguing.”
“I didn’t call to argue with you. I called to tell you I’m sorry for what I said before you left. I didn’t mean it.”
“Yeah, you did.”
He’d called me selfish for leaving the band to start a solo career. He’d accused me of sending Dean down into a spiral when I released “Damage.” Had all but blamed me for Dean’s most recent brush with the law. Had told me he wished I’d never been with Dean or had forced him to choose between his sister and the best friend he considered a brother. And I got why that had put him in a difficult position, I really did. He considered us both family. But still. A part of me had hoped he’d put me first.
