Page 23 of When the Stars Fall
She was the only girl who made me angry. Frustrated. Jealous. The only one who made me want to protect her from all the bad things in the world. The only girl I wanted to spend my time with. The only girl I wanted to talk about everything and nothing with.
Late at night, we texted. Sometimes we’d text for hours. Sometimes we just talked about stupid stuff like which superpower we’d choose or how wrong it was to mix Skittles and M&M’s together like Brody did.
It didn’t matter what we talked about. It didn’t matter if it was two in the morning and I had to get up early for football practice. I wanted to be her two in the morning person. The one who was there for her no matter what.
Lila was mine. End of story.
Chapter Seven
Lila
I rippedout the weeds in the flower bed like they were responsible for the cancer that was killing my mom. It had only been one year since we’d planted this garden but everything had changed. For the worse.
I looked over my shoulder as Jude did another lap with the lawnmower. Our back yard wasn’t that big so he used the mower from the shed instead of his dad’s riding mower. The muscles in his arms flexed and I took a moment to appreciate his muscular calves and the broadness of his shoulders while his back was turned to me.
The ends of his brown hair curled a little where it hit the collar of his sweat-stained white T-shirt. Kate was always on him to get a haircut but I liked it when his hair was a little bit too long.
He’d made it his mission in life to give my mom straight lines on the back lawn. Derek had just laughed, and said, “Whatever floats your boat.”
Now he came out onto the back deck and called my name. “I’m going out. Just checked the fridge. Looks like you’re all set for dinner.”
Jude cut the lawnmower engine and stared at him with a stony expression. Our refrigerator was filled with food in Tupperware containers that Kate brought over. Her way of trying to help out in any way she could. When my mom was too weak to do the cooking, cleaning and laundry, Kate and my mom’s friends from the hospital took care of it. Until I told them I could take care of everything.
And I could. I wanted to do it for my mom. I wanted to be there for her in any way I could. I didn’t want her to have to worry about the house being clean or the laundry or anything that drained what little energy she had left.
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” I told Derek, my expression neutral so she couldn’t see how much I hated him.
“Where you headed, Derek?” Jude asked, as if he had the right to question an adult.
Derek stroked his black beard, leveling Jude with a look. Jude called him shifty and I think it was his beady eyes that made him look like that. My mom was so smart with such a huge heart. How could she have fallen for a man who had only been there for her when times were good? That wasn’t love. He vowed to be there for her in good times and bad, in sickness and health.
“I’m going out,” he said. “Catching up with some friends.” That was code for: I’m going to a bar where I’ll pick up a bimbo and give her a ride on my Harley because I’m the asshole who bought a motorcycle when my wife got sick with cancer. “Is that okay with you?”
Jude looked up at my mom’s closed bedroom window—she’d gone upstairs to take a nap earlier—and just shook his head in disgust, muttering something under his breath. The lawnmower rumbled to life again and he continued mowing our back lawn.
After he mowed the lawn and returned the mower to the shed, I helped him gather the grass clippings and bag them which he said was part of the job.
When we finished, the back door slid open and my mom stepped onto the deck. Her hair was starting to grow back but it was fine, baby hair like peach fuzz on her scalp that made her eyes look enormous. Now they were covered in oversized sunglasses to fight the glare of the spring sunshine.
Jude was by her side before I could even reach the deck. He wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her into a cushioned lawn chair. He looked so much bigger and stronger than her. The picture of health. While she was disappearing a little more each day.
“Thank you, sweetie.”
Whenever Jude was around he insisted on helping her. It was kind of sweet.
“Sorry, I’m all sweaty.” He gave his armpits a sniff test and pulled a face that made me snort-laugh.
“You stink. I can smell you from here,” I joked, darting out of his reach when he tried to pull me into a hug and smother me with boy sweat.
My mom was laughing at our antics.
“The back yard looks beautiful,” she said. That put a smile on Jude’s face. He was proud of his handiwork and I knew this was his way of trying to do something to make my mom happy. He was always showing up with his toolbox to fix whatever was broken in our house. So handy.
“I need to get this smelly boy some water.”
“Hurry up,” he said, panting like a dog. “I’m dying of thirst out here.”
“Drama queen.”
