Page 9 of Beautiful Rush
“Just sex?”
“And stubble burn.”
I rolled my eyes while they cracked up. Although they weren’t wrong. That was all I wanted, but the guy I wanted it from was not in this coffee shop. I didn’t even know where he was living. Or when I’d see him next. Or even if I’d see him again. Would he just disappear like he did last time?
While I contemplated the likelihood of seeing Deacon again, the conversation moved on to other things. Like Eden and Killian’s honeymoon. They were going to the Greek Islands because Eden had apparently mentioned it to Killian once. So, he’d arranged the whole honeymoon and had wanted to keep it a surprise, but Eden pried it out of him when he told her she’d need a passport.
“Are you up for a shopping trip for the honeymoon wardrobe?” Ava asked as we left the coffee shop. It was a cloudless June day and I was eager to drive. Fast. Shopping was one of my least favorite activities, and not on today’s agenda.
“I think I’ll pass. But have fun.”
They exchanged a look and I had a bad feeling they were about to bring up another topic I didn’t want to discuss.
“So…we never really talked about the trial,” Eden said, feeling me out. She and Ava had come down to Miami for a few days to support Connor when he took the stand and to ‘meet’ my parents. To say that they hadn’t been impressed with my mother or my father was putting it kindly. Not that they’d voiced their opinions. The expressions on their faces spoke volumes.
I shrugged. “We all know what happened. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Okay. So, you’re good with it,” Ava said, her voice doubtful. “You know you can always talk to us, right?”
“We’re here for you if you need us,” Eden said.
“Thanks. I’m good though. Really.” I flashed them a smile. They returned my smile with a skeptical look, but they didn’t push it. We hugged goodbye outside an upscale boutique with surfboards and tropical print bikinis displayed in the window, their first stop on the shopping trip. After promising to meet them for our pre-wedding manicures and pedicures on Friday before the rehearsal dinner, I walked down Bedford Avenue, caught in the flow of pedestrians. I dodged a group of tourists in Yankees ball caps and I Heart New York T-shirts who stopped to take photos of hipsters eating brunch at tiny sidewalk tables barely big enough to hold their Mimosas and craft beer. Funny that I loved living in cities, yet I hated to feel crowded. I turned down the next cross street and picked up my pace, intent on getting to my Charger and hitting the open road.
5
Keira
As I drove the narrow, twisty road, I envisioned my father relaxing on a beach in The Caymans. Teaching me to dive. To play chess. Letting me take the wheel of his sleek boat. Tucking me in at night when I was a little girl and he was still my hero. Back when I was too young to understand how my father made his living, too young to question why I never went anywhere without a bodyguard. I had worshipped him. And even though my mom was not as generous with her love and affection like my dad was, I had put her on a pedestal right next to my father.
I used to feel like there wasn’t enough room for me in my parents’ relationship. My mom went along with everything my father wanted. She’d never once stood up to him. My mother was happy to bury her head in the sand, pretend she didn’t know what he really did outside of running a nightclub. Even after it was all spelled out in that courtroom, she still chose him.
Sometimes I wondered who had committed the greater crimes—my father or my mother? Or maybe it was me. The Judas who betrayed her own father.
I pulled over at a scenic overlook perched on a steep, rock cliff and got out of my car. I climbed onto the stone fence that acted as a guardrail and dangled my legs over the side of the hundred-foot drop to the river. Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I called Connor. While I waited for him to answer, I watched the kayakers in the river. He answered on the third ring.
“What’s up?”
“I’m on that road you like to ride your Harley on. Hawk’s Nest Highway.”
“It’s a good place to go to clear your head.”
“Yeah, it is.” In the background, I heard music but not the buzzing of tattoo machines. “Are you with a customer?”
“Just sketching. I’m good to talk.”
I closed my eyes and tipped back my head, letting the afternoon sun warm my face. “I don’t really have anything to say.”
“That’s okay too. I’ll just hang on the line and listen to you breathe.”
I laughed and we stayed silent for a while. With Connor, I never felt like I had to fill up the silence. But I was more honest with him than with anyone else. “I don’t regret what I did, but that doesn’t make it any easier.”
“I know, babe. I’m sorry.”
That was the beauty of Connor. He never tried to bullshit me or tell me everything was okay when he knew it wasn’t. He’d been through too much in his life to throw out false platitudes. I was screwed up about this and he knew it.
“Are you on the rock cliff?”
“Yeah. With the river and valley below.”
