Page 37 of Beautiful Rush
“I already know you snore. That you leave globs of toothpaste in the sink. You never turn off the lights when you leave a room. And you stock your cupboards with junk food and Ramen and fill your refrigerator with overpriced readymade meals from Whole Foods because you can’t cook. You’re scared of being in a relationship, so you keep pretending this isn’t one even though we both know better. And still. I keep coming back for more.”
“I don’t snore.”
“Baby, you snore.”
“Well, you’re a bed hog. And sleeping with you is like sleeping next to a space heater. You tricked me into thinking that you didn’t want a relationship. You never stay until morning, so I feel like your piece on the side. And still. I keep hoping you’ll come back for more.”
“Blows your theory right out of the water.”
“I’m just in this for the sex,” she said breezily.
She fed me a vodka-infused olive from her dirty martini, and I suspected that she’d ordered the extra olives for me. Keira didn’t even like olives which begged the question, why had she ordered a dirty martini? Because she was Keira. Wholly original, with a touch of crazy and a dash of self-loathing. I knew and understood her better than she probably realized.
“I’m just in this for your sexy frozen grapes and drunken olives,” I said.
She laughed and then the laughter died on her lips and she averted her gaze. Toying with the stem of her glass, her face pensive, her upper lip gripped between her teeth. She was nervous or unsure about something. Before she even uttered the words, I knew it had to do with us.
“Do you ever get scared that what we have istoogood? It all happened so fast. Something like this…it can’t possibly last, can it?”
The truth was that I didn’t know the answer. I’ve never been in love before and didn’t have the best track record for relationships. In the past, whenever a girl started getting too close or pushed for more, it was my cue to bail. I had always blamed it on my job and the crazy hours I worked, which was valid but only partly true. With Keira, I was all in. I didn’t know why she stirred up more emotions in me than any other woman ever had or why the thought of a committed relationship with her didn’t scare me. I wanted it all—her naked honesty, her raw vulnerability, her mercurial moods. Even when she lied to my face, I still wanted her.
Maybe it had all happened too quickly, seemingly overnight. Maybe I was confusing lust with love. But this felt like something bigger, like a lifetime, not just a moment. I had never believed in destiny before, but when I met Keira, I felt like we were meant to be together. A little voice in my head had warned me,she will be your ruin. My response?Bring it on.
My mom once told me that when the right one comes along, you don’t question the logic or look for all the reasons why it couldn’t possibly work. You just love the person as they are and, if necessary, you adjust your life to make room for them. Because that person is important to you and they matter.Shemattered to me.
So, back to the question. I responded with another question.
“Were you in love with Sasha?” I fingered the cross around her neck, the only piece of jewelry she ever wore. She never took it off, not during sex, not when she slept, not even in the shower.
She shook her head. “No. I cared about him and he was my friend, but we weren’t in love.” She tilted her head and closed one eye, contemplating how much she was willing to share with me. “I thought I was in love once before.”
Once before. Which implied she was in love with me. Maybe.
“Who were you in love with?” I already knew the answer, but I didn’t let on. Connor had told me in confidence. It had just been a casual remark he’d dropped into our conversation back in November and hadn’t really registered at the time.
“Anthony. He worked for my father. He was fifteen years older than me and completely off-limits. He only saw me as my father’s daughter and nothing more. I think he loved me, but he wasn’tin lovewith me.”
Anthony was the one who had given her the flash drive. Anthony was her father’s most trusted soldier. He was also the one who betrayed her father. Keira had just been the messenger. I had never met Anthony, but I didn’t like him, and I certainly wouldn’t trust him. It wasn’t only because Keira had once upon a time thought she was in love with the man, either. It was because I suspected he had played her, used her for his own personal gains. I could be wrong, but I didn’t think so. He had an ulterior motive but if I suggested that now it would sound like petty jealousy. Besides, I had no proof, only a gut instinct to go on.
“And now? Are you still in love with Anthony?”
“I don’t know. I’d have to find him first to know for sure. See how he stacks up against the competition.” She gave me an exaggerated wink.
She was teasing me, but I didn’t care about Anthony. He was long gone, and she was better off without him. Now that she’d gotten away from her life in Miami, she was surrounded by good people. People who loved her and cared about her. People who wouldn’t use her or manipulate her for their own gain. If she was ever forced to confront the ghosts of her past, she’d see the difference more clearly. But I hoped, for her sake, that she wouldn’t have to deal with that. I wanted to protect her from that world and keep her safe.
“In answer to your question, no, I’m not scared,” I said.
“You should be. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She downed the rest of her drink and slammed the glass on the bar to illustrate her point.
“Don’t break my heart just yet. This date’s not over. How about you give me a dirty kiss.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck, slid her tongue into my mouth, and gave me a long, slow, dirty kiss. Then she pulled away and smiled at me.
“Hungry?” I asked.
“Is that a trick question?”
Chuckling, I shook my head. “I’m taking you to dinner.”
