Page 71 of Beautiful Lies
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, his hand stroking my hair. “Baby… tell me.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“Tell me.”
I’d been holding it inside for so long. Now, when I envisioned it, I felt like it had happened to someone else, not me. “He dragged me around to the back of the school by the dumpsters. And he… pushed me on my knees and unzipped his jeans and…” I swallowed hard, watching it all play out like a movie. Connor’s arms around me tightened and I pressed my cheek against his chest, closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of leather and spice. I felt safe in his arms, like the bad stuff couldn’t catch up to me if he was holding me close. “He grabbed the back of my head and guided himself into my mouth. I tried to sink my teeth into him… he smacked me across the face and yanked my head up by the hair.” I could still feel the tears stinging my eyes, the gravel digging into my knees as I knelt in front of him. “He said if I tried that again, he’d punch me hard. I didn’t know what I was doing… he kept pushing my head down and it was gagging me. When he came inside my mouth, I got to my feet and spit it in his face. I tried to run, but he grabbed me and said I needed to be taught a lesson. He tossed me in the dumpster and Killian… that’s when he turned up.”
Connor didn’t say anything. He just kept me wrapped in his arms, stroking my hair.
“It’s okay. It was a long time—”
“It’s not okay,” he said, his voice shaking with anger. “You were fourteen.Nothingabout that is okay.”
I knew that. I was trying to console him. “What made it okay was you. Being with you… the sex and everything… I felt like I was taking back some of my power. Because I was doing something I wanted to do, and you would never force me to do anything I didn’t want to. And all those times…when I was daring, and we did it in all kinds of crazy places, I felt empowered. It was like a big fuck you to Jake Masters, which probably sounds stupid but… I didn’t feel like a victim anymore.”
Someone cleared their throat. I pulled away from Connor and looked over at Lana. She held out the pearl grey cashmere sweater. “I thought you might need it. It’s chilly.”
I climbed off the bike and faced her, wondering how long she’d been standing there and how much she’d heard. “But it’s yours.”
She forced it into my hand. “Keep it. It looks good on you. It matches your eyes.”
“Do you think a sweater will make up for what you did to Ava?” Connor asked, his voice low and angry.
“Connor… just let it go.”
“You’re her older sister,” he said. “It was your responsibility to protect her and stand up for her. Instead, you stabbed her in the back and you’ve been doing it for years.”
Lana narrowed her eyes and planted her hands on her hips. “And what have you done for her? Besides mess up her life?”
“He was there for me—”
“Seriously, Ava? How was he there for you? How many times did you get in trouble because of him? Theonlything he ever brought into your life was trouble. You should have stayed with Zeke. The whole family loved him.” She turned on her heel and walked away. I was tempted to toss her sweater on the sidewalk and stomp on it, but I tied it around my waist, buying time before I faced Connor. Lana had always been vindictive, and it seemed that time hadn’t changed her.
“Zeke met your family,” Connor said, his voice flat.
I turned to face him but couldn’t quite look him in the eye. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t looking at me anyway. He was staring down the street, his jaw working to contain his emotions. “Yeah, it was… my dad’s birthday lunch. I just… I shouldn’t have brought him.”
He handed me my helmet and put on his own.
“Connor…”
The Harley rumbled to life and he revved the engine. “Get on the bike. I need to get to work.”
* * *
I climbedoff the back of the bike and took off my helmet. Connor looked straight ahead, his jaw clenched, and I suspected it had been that way for the whole ride. When I’d wrapped my arms around him, hanging on tight as he drove too fast from Bay Ridge to Williamsburg, I’d felt the rigid tension in his body. I looked down the street at the waterfront, trying to find the words. “How about a Chinese takeout and movie night? You can come over after—”
“Ava. Connor. What’s up?” Zeke stopped next to me and glanced from me to Connor. Inwardly, I groaned. Talk about shitty timing. “Whoa, dude. What happened to your face?”
Connor locked his jaw and remained mute, his gaze focused straight ahead.
“Hey, Zeke. Give us a minute. I’ll see you inside.”
“Yeah. Sure.”
I watched him walk away and waited until he was inside the bar before I returned my attention to Connor. “Don’t listen to Lana. I don’t care what my family thinks.”
“But I do. I’ll always be the guy who fucked up your life.”
