Page 38 of Beautiful Lies
“You sure this is a good idea?” he asked. “You’ve got a lot on your plate right now.”
I took a long drag and exhaled, looking up at the sky where the sun was trying to break through the clouds. “Are you sayingyoudon’t think it’s a good idea?”
“It’s not my call. But I do know she’s one of your triggers,” he said, eyeing the Winston clamped between my lips. I usually waited until after I’d hit the gym to smoke. “You were a wreck when she left you.”
“I was a wreck because of all the shit that went down. That was my rock bottom.”
“I know that. But that girl gets you all twisted and tied up in knots.”
I couldn’t deny that. Yesterday had been hard. One step forward, three steps back. She was still trying to protect herself from me. “You ever been in love?”
“Yep. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“I fucked up. Got sent to prison. Told her I didn’t want her anywhere near me. She wanted to visit me in the state pen. A woman like her should never set foot in a place like that. If she’d been smart, she would have stayed a mile away from me. She should never have had anything to do with the likes of me.”
“Love isn’t logical. The heart wants what the heart wants.”
He shook his head. “Yeah, I know. Makes people do some crazy shit.”
Tell me about it. Wishing and hoping. Trying to toe the line for one more shot at something that might never be again. But Ava couldn’t deny that she still loved me. That had to count for something.
“Whatever happened to the woman?” I asked, tipping back my head as the sun made an appearance.
“Married. Two kids. Nice house. She got the life she was meant to have.”
“Is she happy?”
He narrowed his eyes, looking off into the distance, maybe shuffling through his memories of the woman he loved. “She’s better off.”
I took a drag of my cigarette, mulling that over. “You still love her?”
“No point in dwelling on it. I did what was best for her.”
I’d take that as a yes. Love doesn’t go away. It lives on in our fragile hearts. When you love a woman, she gets under your skin, haunts your dreams and your waking hours. Lovesickness, I’d decided, is a real thing. “You’re saying love is about self-sacrifice?”
“Sometimes it is. Sometimes it ain’t.”
I chuckled. “Thanks for clearing that up.”
“Never claimed to be an expert. Just trying to look out for you, that’s all. The road to recovery ain’t paved in gold. It’s hard work. And if the people in your life aren’t supportive, that just makes it a hell of a lot harder.”
“She’s supportive,” I said, jumping to her defense. “I put her through a lot. It’s hard for her.”
He clapped me on the shoulder. “Take care of yourself first. Keep doing the work and don’t let your ship get tossed around by every storm.”
“That was deep. Did you read that in a fortune cookie?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “You know what I’m saying, smartass.”
* * *
“Connor. Hang on,”Killian called after me as I was leaving the gym.
I released my hold on the front door and turned to him, raising my brows as he came to stand in front of me.
He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes not meeting mine. “I should have been more supportive. About buying the shop. It’s a good idea.”
