Page 99 of Beautiful Lies
“You never let me down.”
“I took away your power. I sent you to the closet. Pushed you away. Belittled you just like Seamus had.”
I worked my jaw, not sure what to say about this unexpected confession. I envisioned myself at six, seven, eight… hiding in the closet, my hands covering my ears, trying to block out the sound of Killian taking a beating. With every punch he’d taken, a little piece of me had broken until I had so many cracks and fissures inside that I couldn’t patch them up. That gaping hole inside me grew wider, bigger than the fucking Grand Canyon. I remembered that feeling of helplessness. The guilt that crept in at my own uselessness to stop the abuse or help Killian. And Killian’s words that I’d blocked out, echoed in my head.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Connor? You had everything, but you threw it away.”
“Everything I did was to protect you and for what? So, you could kill yourself with drugs? Drugs are for fucking losers. You wanna be a loser all your life?”
“Why is everything so much harder for you, Connor? I have my own shit to deal with. I don’t need your shit.”
And then the day he dropped me off at rehab.“Get your act together. I’m tired of cleaning up your messes. If you go back to drugs after this, I’m done with you. Understand?”
“You did the best you could,” I told him because it was true. We were just two kids trying to find our way out of a shitty situation the best we could. “You were always there for me. You kicked me in the ass when I needed it. Let’s not play the blame game. Lose the guilt. I’m the captain of my own fucking ship. Master of my soul… and all that bullshit.”
He squinted into the distance, trying to come to terms with a past we couldn’t fix or change. We’d come a long way though. Five years ago, even a year ago, we never would have been able to have this conversation.
“This sister of ours…Keira,” he said, testing the name out. “What’s she like?”
I was about to drop the next bomb on him. “Ready to meet her? She’s here.”
“Here? In Brooklyn? Why the fuck am I just finding this out now?”
“She arrived yesterday. It was a surprise.”
“Asshole,” he said, giving me a punch on the arm, not hard enough to hurt me. I punched him back and then we both laughed like idiots as we walked to the coffee shop where Keira was waiting for us.
I’d gotten my brother back, and for the first time ever, it felt like we were on a level playing field. All my life, I’d felt like I’d been living in his shadow. Tagging along after him. He’d been bigger than life. The strongest. The bravest. The one Seamus loved best, in his own sick and twisted way. Seamus had respected Killian, had been proud of his MMA career. He’d always reminded me that Killian had made something of his life while I’d been the fuck-up, the sorry excuse for a son. But it was time to let it all go. To shine a light on those bad memories so they no longer had the power to destroy me.
“You look nervous,” I said, noting the way Killian kept rubbing the back of his neck.
“Nervous,” he scoffed.
I chuckled under my breath. He’d never admit it, thinking it was a weakness. Some things never changed. We entered the coffee shop and I jerked my chin in Keira’s direction.
“Jesus Christ. That’s her?” I nodded. That was her all right. I’d left her twenty minutes ago and she was already being hit on by a bearded hipster dude. I could tell by the polite expression on Keira’s face that this guy didn’t have a chance in hell.
“Another woman for me to worry about,” Killian muttered.
I laughed. He had some crazy idea that every woman in his life needed his protection. Most of the time, they were more than capable of not only looking after themselves but kicking our asses. I had a feeling Keira would fit right in with Ava and Eden. She was a force to be reckoned with. “You’ll have to get her in one of your Krav Maga classes. Teach her how to kick guys in the balls.”
Killian chuckled. “I heard about that.”
“Glad you’re amused,” I muttered which only made him laugh harder.
Keira looked up as we stopped by her table. Killian scowled at the guy in the seat across from her and jerked his chin, indicating the guy should scurry the hell out the door. He was such a pain in the ass sometimes. I didn’t know how Eden put up with it.
“Thanks for keeping me company,” Keira told the guy. “My brothers are here now.”
Brothers. Killian’s brows went up a notch.
The guy wrote his number on a paper napkin before vacating his seat. “Call me. We’ll hang out. I can show you around Brooklyn.”
“Sounds good,” Keira said, giving him a dazzling smile that I knew was fake. I also knew the guy would never get a call.
“Nice meeting you, Gracie.”
Killian gave me a what the fuck look. I shrugged and flipped a chair around, straddling it as Killian sat in the seat across from Keira.
