Page 78 of Beautiful Lies
I followed her to her silver SUV, not sure if I should trust her. But it was cold out here and I was a little bit drunk and a lot weary, so I climbed into the passenger seat and fastened my seatbelt. The inside of her car smelled like new car and fake pine tree from the air freshener hanging on her rear-view mirror. “Are you going home?” she asked, starting up the car and turning the heat on full-blast.
“No. I’m going to a church in Bed-Stuy.”
She turned on her GPS and asked me to enter the information, so I did. Then she pulled away from the curb and we drove in silence for a while.
“I didn’t know Jake did that to you. I mean… I thought he was just flirting with you and saying things…”
I guess she’d heard everything that day, but I had no idea why she was bringing it up now. “It doesn’t matter. Ancient history,” I mumbled, staring out the windshield.
She didn’t respond, and I was tempted to turn on the music, but I couldn’t be bothered so I let the silence stretch out between us. “Jake Masters was my first. I thought I loved him.”
My eyes widened, and I tried to process this information, but I couldn’t. Maybe I’d heard her wrong. I hadn’t even been aware that she’d known Jake Masters. “What?”
“I had a crush on him. And the end of our junior year, I found out about a party he was throwing. So, I went. And I got really drunk. I pretty much threw myself at him. After that, we did it a few more times.”
Did it? My sister had sex with Jake Masters? Willingly?
My stomach churned. To think that someone would actually want that… not just someone, but Lana, made me feel sick inside. “He came to our house a few times over the summer when Mom and Dad were at work. You were at that performing arts camp. And he…” I heard her take a deep breath and exhale like whatever she was about to tell me was hard to say. “… Jake saw photos of you in my room. And he said things like, ‘Your sister’s a hottie. Better watch out for that one. She’ll have guys crawling all over her.’ He wanted to know all about you.”
I opened my window, needing the fresh air while Lana just kept on talking, all her secrets spilling out after all these years. “He dumped me and moved on and when we went back to school, he completely ignored me like I’d never existed. Like we’d never had sex or… even knew each other. And then I saw the way he looked at you and I swear I didn’t know what was really going on. I thought… you were having sex with him.”
Bile rose up in my throat. “Pull over,” I said, my voice strained as I rolled down the window all the way.
“What?”
“I’m going to be…” I hung my head out the window and vomited red wine and Thanksgiving dinner. Fucking brussels sprouts. The car screeched to a halt and I yanked off my seatbelt and shoved the door open, stumbling out of the car. I threw up everything that was left inside me, my legs shaky, my stomach hurting.
“Why?” I asked, my back turned to her. “Because you read it on the bathroom walls? I never had sex with him. I was still a virgin.”
“Ava. Get back in the car.”
I took a few deep breaths and considered striking out on my own, but I was miles from where I needed to be, and I didn’t have the energy, so I returned to her car and shut the door. Lana, who had been the perfect Girl Scout, handed me a bottle of water, sugarless gum, and Tic Tacs. I indulged in all three, trying to get rid of the bad taste in my mouth.
“I guess I was jealous,” she said, minutes later. “I mean, he never paid me that much attention.”
“The wrong kind of attention, Lana. You think Iwantedthat?”
“No. I just wanted you to know… I’m sorry.”
I didn’t respond. Her sorry was years too late and I would have preferred that she’d been on my side when I’d needed her. I wasn’t sure we could ever repair the damage. I didn’t even know Lana anymore. I didn’t know what she liked to do in her free time, what music she listened to, what her favorite TV shows or movies were. I’d been to her condo a few times, but it had told me nothing about the person who lived there. Everything in her house was brand-new, from a big box store, beige and boring.
Lana pulled up in front of the church and I gripped the door handle. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Sure.”
I opened the door and climbed out. Before I shut it, I popped my head in and asked, “Are you happy with Joe? I mean… do you love him with the power of a thousand suns?”
She shook her head. “Ava… nobody loves like that.”
“I do.” I closed the door and walked toward the church. How sad for Lana that she’d never had that kind of love. How sad that she’d ever believed she could be in love with a guy like Jake Masters. I’d rather burn for my love than be indifferent.
23
Ava
Volunteers were cleaning the tables, and it looked as if the dinner was over, but I didn’t see Connor. I walked through the room and poked my head in the kitchen. I recognized the guy with a ponytail, although I hadn’t seen him in a year. “Hey, Tate.”
He turned from the sink and I gave him a little smile. “Ava. What’s up?”
