Page 66 of Beneath Your Beautiful
“He had a choice. He re-enlisted.”
She couldn’t wrap her head around that, but I got where Sawyer was coming from. I didn’t know him, but I had a feeling that being in a combat zone was his new normal. People return to what they know. I’d never been to war, but sometimes I felt like I’d lived through one, so I understood why he didn’t talk about it. It wasn’t the kind of thing you shared with people who hadn’t been there.
“Killian?”
“Yeah?” I asked, hoping she would drop it. I was done. I told her what I needed to tell her and now I wanted to put it behind me. I kept picturing baby Leo’s face, his big brown eyes so trusting. He didn’t understand pain and suffering yet. He didn’t know that the world wasn’t fair or that the people you love could be snatched away in an instant. I wanted to protect him from this fucked-up irrational universe. Ironic, really. I was the villain in Leo’s fairy tale.
“Was MMA your passion? The thing you were meant to do?”
Yes. And no. It had cost me everything. “I used to think so.”
“If you can’t go back to fighting, you need to find a new passion. It’s important.”
“It’s not one of life’s necessities.”
“Maybe not for everyone, but it is for you. Because you found it once and it was taken away from you.”
“It wasn’t taken from me,” I said, through gritted teeth. She didn’t heed the warning in my voice.
“Do you think Johnny would be punishing himself? Or would he recognize that it was an accident and keep doing what he loved? Do you think this is what he would want for you? To know that you gave up something—”
“Eden,” I said, my voice hard. “Stop. You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.” I rubbed the back of my neck, regretting that I’d ever told her. I stood and strode away, without waiting for her or looking back to see if she was following. I kept walking, straight up North Sixth Street, intent on getting in my fucking car and driving away.
She caught up but stayed two paces behind. I beeped my locks and yanked the driver’s door open. She grabbed my arm to stop me. “What are you doing? Running away when things get hard? That’s not who you are. It’s not what you do.”
“How the hell would you know who I am or what I do?” I removed her hand from my arm and climbed into the driver’s seat.
She blocked the door with her body. “You’re not leaving. Not like this.”
I clenched my jaw. “Step aside.”
“No.” Eden crossed her arms, not budging. “I want you to come home with me. To Pennsylvania.”
In three days, Sawyer was coming home on leave, and she didn’t want to miss his homecoming. I’d offered her my Jeep, but now she wanted me too. I’d never been taken home to meet anyone’s father before. And this seemed like a shitty time to bring it up.
She chewed on her lower lip. “Would you? My dad and brothers will really like you. And I want to celebrate your birthday with you.”
My birthday. Hooray. Fuck birthdays. Fuck everything. I jammed my key in the ignition.
“Don’t act like an ass. I need you.”
I need you. I looked at her face. “Why?”
“I just…do. Killian, I asked you not to shut me out. What you told me was hard for you. I know that. But I was trying to tell you that you deserve to be happy.”
“Yeah, I got the message. You’re not that subtle.”
“I never said I was. Maybe you should think about it. And maybe next time you tell me something important, you could consider my feelings.”
“Yourfeelings?”
“I care about you. How clear do I need to make it? Should I graffiti the words on the walls of Bushwick? Across the Brooklyn Bridge? Your words and actions affect me too. I’m sorry you had to give up something you loved. I’m sorry your friend is gone. I wish there was something, anything, I could do to make it better. But sometimes the only thing you can do is be there for the other person. And I’m here for you. Maybe you never had that before, so you don’t know how it works. In a relationship, there are two of us. We’re on the same team. I’ll always be in your corner—”
I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her towards me for a kiss, effectively shutting her up. She kissed me back, her lips soft and warm. She gave, and I took. Tasting her sweetness, her body yielding to me as I stood and pulled her closer, my hand tangling in her silky soft hair. It was a new day. A world of possibility. And I was a dumbass because this girl…she was the best fucking thing that had ever happened to me.
“You kissed me to shut me up,” she said when our lips parted.
I pulled her into another kiss. “Whatever it takes.”
