Page 40 of Baby Blue
“I screwed around on her. One day she came home from work and I was in bed with this other girl. I hadn’t even bothered to get her out of our bed before Bett came home. And that, of course, was the end,” Blue said. It was the first time he’d ever told anyone what had happened between the two of them, and he was beyond embarrassed. “I didn’t have one shred of respect for her or her feelings.”
“Do you remember what I said to you about your name?” Anne said and squeezed his hand.
“Yeah.”
“I’ve watched you over this last week. You’ve grown up right before my eyes. When you look in the mirror, you may not seethe man you’re becoming, but I do, Brent. I see him and I want to know him better. He works hard and he tries hard. And you’ve been nothing but respectful to me.” She took her free hand and stroked his cheek. “There’s an honorable, decent guy in there, and he’s finally getting a chance to come out. And I want to be there when he does.”
Without another thought, Blue grabbed Anne and pulled her to him, then pressed his lips against hers and decided he never wanted to let go. Slipping his arms around her waist, his heart slammed in his chest as her arms wrapped around his neck and held him even tighter. That kiss was no comforting, innocent thing. It took on a life of its own and before he realized what he was doing, she was under him on the sofa and he was staring down into her eyes, those big hazel orbs that he’d always thought were judging him. What he saw there was more than pity, more than compassion, more than desire. It was electric. “Anne, we shouldn’t…” he whispered down to her and trailed off.
“Shouldn’t what? We’re grownups, Brent. We can do whatever we want,” she said and kissed his chin.
“I don’t want to mess this up. You’ve been a lot of help to me, and I don’t want anything to happen to us that will?”
“Will what? Keep me from helping you?” she asked, her voice laced with consternation.
“No! No. I just… You love Indigo. I can see it. And I don’t want to do something that’s going to make us awkward around each other, or have some kind of falling out, or something like that,” he said, not knowing exactly how to state what he was feeling.
“Let’s just talk about the elephant in the room, shall we?” He didn’t know what she meant until she said, “Admit it. You’re afraid.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Am not.”
Anne laughed. “Now you’re starting to sound like a twelve-year-old again!”
Blue dropped to his side between her and the back of the sofa, then pulled her hand up and wound his fingers through hers again. “Okay. I’m scared. Happy?”
“Yes. Because if you’re being honest, we have something to work with. It’s when you lie to me or yourself that we get into trouble,” she said.
And that made sense to him. Maybe he should just be honest with her. “So are you in love with me? Because I’m not in love with you.”
To his surprise, she didn’t look all hurt and angry. “I wouldn’t say I’m in love with you, but I love you.”
“That’s the same thing,” Blue said, rolling his eyes.
“No. It’s not.” Anne turned loose of his hand and pushed his hair back and out of his eyes. “Beinginlove with somebody is what happens when there’s all this passion and chemistry and glands working overtime,” she said and smiled. “Lovingsomeone is different. You can love someone and not bein lovewith them.” He had no idea what she was talking about, and he figured she could see that in his face when she said, “Okay. How about this? Being in love with someone is all that tingling skin and burning lips and a flush all over your body. It’s, well, it’s very physical.” Blue nodded. “But loving someone is born of respect and caring. It’s deeper than being in love because even when you’re no longerinlove with somebody, you can still love them. We fall in and out of love over and over, sometimes with the same person. But even when we’re notinlove with them, we still love them. Does that make sense?”
Without fanfare or warning, it clicked for Blue and he understood. He wasn’t in love with Anne, but he did love her. It wasn’t this gasping, panting, groping kind of thing, but rathersomething he experienced in waves, a thing that grew and expanded. He respected her deeply. He trusted her implicitly. And there was something else he couldn’t say for any other woman he’d ever known, not even Bettina.
He enjoyed her company. He was happier when she was around. She made his world brighter, and she made him feel comfortable and secure. She didn’t do things for him so much as she helped him do them for himself. It was a realization that hit him right between the eyes?shewas the one who was helping him become a man. “I understand.”
Anne’s smile was sweet and pure. “I love you, Blue. It doesn’t matter how you feel about me. I still love you.”
There was strength in those words, and Blue wanted to feel it always, to capture it in a bag and carry it with him, to wrap it around him like a coat and wear it every day. The one thing he’d never given Bettina, that he’d withheld from her, that had driven her away, was that he’d never been able to tell her that he loved her. He had, but he’d never said it. If he’d been able to tell her, she might’ve given him a second chance, but he was too stubborn.
The time for being stubborn was over. He needed Anne, but most importantly, hewantedAnne, not just physically, but he wanted the respect and trust she gave him. He’d never had that before and it fed him and made him grow. Rising to sitting and leaning over her again, he ran a hand behind her neck and kissed her, letting his fingers trail upward into her hair. It was there, in that kiss, the love she felt for him and all the ways she believed in him. When he broke the kiss, he looked down into her eyes and said, “I’ve never said this to…” To his shock, a tear slipped from her eye and ran down her temple, but her eyes were bright and she wore a tiny smile. “I love you, Anne. For all the things you’ve taught me about myself, for all the love you’ve given me, for loving my daughter, for treating me like I have value andpurpose, I love you. I want to keep loving you, and I want you to keep loving me. I don’t want this to end.”
She stroked the side of his face again, her hand like a feather on his skin, and ran her thumb across his bottom lip. Without thinking, he kissed it and she smiled. “Then let’s do this the right way, okay? Let’s really get to know each other.”
“Before we sleep together?” he asked.
Anne laughed. “Well, not necessarily!”
“Oh! Well, that’s good then,” Blue said and laughed back. Then he sobered. “What time is it?”
“I think it’s about one o’clock. Want a little lunch?”
