Page 17 of Baby Blue
Anne seemed confused. “Why what? Because you need to go to work.”
“No.” Blue was the one who was most confused. “Why do you want to help me?”
Anne pursed her lips before she spoke. “Because you need help. Because you have to be able to make a living. You can’t afford a sitter and even if you could, it could take weeks to find one. And I don’t mind.”
Blue stammered, “B-b-b-but when willyousleep? I mean, that cuts into your daytime sleep, and she’ll keep you awake. And you’ll be tired, and you have an important job, and?”
“Blue!” When she barked out his name like that, he stopped and fell silent. “Yes. I’ll be tired. But I worked the whole time my kids were little. It’s not like I haven’t done it before. Andmaybe sometime in the near future you’ll be able to find a sitter. Or maybe you can find a sitter where you can drop her off when you go to work, and I can pick her up about noon, save you some money. Summer’s almost here and the kids will be out of school. That means Polly will be handy to help out, and I can get some sleep while they watch Indigo.”
Blue was bewildered. Why was this woman agreeing to help him? He’d been nothing but nasty to her ever since he’d bought that little house, and here she was being more than nice to him. She was willing to sacrifice sleep for his baby. “I, I, I don’t know what to say.”
“Say, ‘Hey, Anne, that sounds like it’ll work!’” she said with a laugh.
“Hey, Anne, that sounds like it’ll work!” he said, laughing back at her. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I’ve never seen a guy at your house. Where’s the kids’ dad?” Blue asked and watched her face fall. There was silence for a full thirty seconds before Blue said, “Well, hell, that’s none of my business. I’m sorry?”
“No, no. I don’t mind. When Toady was about eighteen months old, their dad just walked away. Took up with some woman from over in Branford. I came home from work at six in the morning and found the kids alone. He’d just packed up his stuff and left without so much as a word,” she said, her face sad. “A little boy not even two and a girl barely six and a half. And he just walked off and left them here in the middle of the night.”
“That’s pretty shitty,” Blue announced, and he was surprised at the strength in his own voice.
“Yeah. Pretty damn shitty,” Anne echoed. “So you see, I’ve been on my own for quite a while. I had to pay a sitter in those earlier years, and I had a hard time making ends meet. And child support? That sonofabitch never paid a dime. Still doesn’t.”
“You should go after him for that,” Blue said, surprising himself again. He’d always believed child support was bullshit, but when he looked at Anne and the way she’d had to work and handle her kids alone, it made perfect sense to him.
“Can’t get blood from a turnip,” she said and then gave him a little smile. “It all worked out okay in the end. I have a good job and they’re old enough to take care of themselves now, for the most part.”
“They’re good kids,” Blue said in agreement.
“Thanks.” Anne sat and stared at the leg of her jeans and Blue didn’t really know what to say. Then she slapped her hands on her knees and looked up at Blue. “So I’m going back home to get a little bit of sleep before I have to go in. But I’m off from eleven thirty on Thursday night until three thirty in the afternoon on Sunday. So that clears you to go to the club, right?”
“Yeah.” Before she could say anything else, he asked again, “But why?”Be honest here, Blue, he told himself.This woman’s really putting herself out there to help you. “I’ve always been horrible to you. Why would you?”
“Because I’ve been pretty horrible to you too,” she said, her words shocking him. “I could’ve come over here, gotten to know you, tried to understand why you’re the way you are, but I didn’t. I just got pissy and made snide comments. I want to ask you something,” she added.
“Okay.”
“Have you ever hadanyfamily?”
Blue froze, wondering what she was looking for. Did she want a rundown of his entire fucked-up childhood and adolescence? He really wasn’t in the mood to go into all of that, but with everything she was doing to help him, he owed her an answer. “No. I’ve never had any family. I had one foster mom who seemed to care about me, but they yanked me from there too. I got tossed around until I was old enough to run away and I neverlooked back. I’ve always taken care of myself without anybody’s help.” Then he added, “So I’m sorry if I keep asking you why you’re willing to help me, but I’m not used to anybody being willing to do anything for me.”
Anne rose from her seat, walked straight to Blue, and put her hands on his shoulders, leaning down until her face was right in front of his. Quietly, she said, “For the first time, you’ve got an opportunity to have a family. That little girl needs you, and if you take care of her, she’ll love you like you’ve never been loved. There’s nothing?nothing?that beats the love of a child. Nothing in this world.” She straightened and looked down at him as he sat there. “I know what I’ve seen of you the past few years, but I don’t think that’s who you really are. I think you’re smart and conscientious and responsible. And I think you’ll make a great parent. But none of that will happen if you don’t want it to. I think the question is simple: Do you want to be her dad?”
All the madness from the previous twenty-four hours coalesced right in that moment and he thought carefully before he said, “Yes.” Saying that one word made him feel stronger, so he added, “Yes, I do want to be her dad. And I want to be a good dad, not some deadbeat who walks out on his kid. I want to help her learn and grow, and I want to be there for her.”
“You’re well on your way,” Anne said, giving him a warm smile. “You’ve done very well in the first twenty-four hours. It’s the next eighteen years that’ll kick your ass. Sure you’re up to it?”
Blue shook his head. “No. But I’m damn sure gonna try.”
Anne threw her head back and laughed. “That’s the spirit! I’ll be leaving for work in a little while, but Polly will be there if you need her. Just let her know.” She turned to leave but Blue stopped her with a question he hadn’t dreamed he’d ever ask.
“Would they like to come over here in the evenings? I mean, so they don’t have to be alone all the time? Would that help you?”
Stopping in the doorway, Anne turned and leaned back against the door facing. “That would mean no beer while they’re here.”
“Of course,” Blue answered.
