Page 10 of Baby Blue
“I see.” She sat up and perched on the edge of the sofa. “I guess I should go home and get some things done.”
At those words, Blue panicked again. “I’m, uh, I don’t know how to… what I mean is… I can’t do this…”
Anne’s smile was sympathetic. “Can’t your mother or someone in your family help you?”
Blue shook his head and sighed. “No. I don’t have a family. I grew up in foster care.”
There was that look on Anne’s face that Blue hated?pity. He didn’t want anyone’s pity. If he’d done nothing else in his life, he’d proven that he could take care of himself. But this was different. It wasn’t about taking care of himself; it was about taking care of a baby, his baby. And what he faced was something he’d never faced before.
He needed help. Up to that point, if BlueWallace needed something, he took care of it himself. After all, he was all he had to care for. But this time, things were different. There was someone else to think about, someone he was ill-equipped to consider. Help was something he desperately had to have, but he’d built no support network. Why would he do that anyway? No one had ever done anything but disappoint him, let him down, or hurt him. He’d never trusted other people. He’d never had to rely on anyone, and yet he couldn’t take care of the task at hand alone. “You’re a nurse. What should I do? Who do I call? Isthere someone who’ll help me with her? I don’t know anything about raising a kid. Hell, nobody raised me?they just beat me and abused me and starved me. I never had parents who took care of me, and I don’t know how to do that for a kid.”
Anne slapped her hands on her knees. “Let’s just get through the weekend. Maybe by tomorrow afternoon I can come up with something. I’ll work on it. And I’ll check on you in a couple of hours, okay?” She stood. “I need to start some laundry and do some things with the kids. My number’s on that notepad in the kitchen. Call me if you need me.”
There was nothing Blue could say to that. She had a life. She couldn’t just move in and take care of the baby. And her kids had lives too. “Sure, yeah, okay. That’s great. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem. Polly, you have a room to clean, right?”
“Mom, please? Can I stay with the baby?”
“No, missy. You’ll come home and clean your room like you’re supposed to. Then maybe you can come back if Blue says it’s okay,” Anne said back over her shoulder as she made her way to the door. “Toady, come on. I think you have a room to clean too. And you both have to clean your bathroom.”
“Aww, Mom, I’m playing with the baby!” Toady whined.
“No. The baby’s sleeping. Come on. Call if you need me,” Anne called out again as she herded the kids out.
“Thanks!” Blue called after her. Indigo had dropped off again after being played with by Polly and Toady all afternoon, and the house was quiet. On a whim, he picked up the birth certificate on the kitchen table and took a good, long look at it.
IndigoDarling Wallace?that was her full name. Born on November fourteenth. And she’d been born at Bainbridge Medical Center in Covington. What had Cindy been doing in Covington? Maybe she had family there. He couldn’t remember. He actually didn’t remember a whole lot about her at all except that she’d had the prettiest dark hair he’d ever seen, darker thanhis. There were a lot of other things he remembered about her, but most of them were X-rated and he tried to shut them all out. She was somebody’s mother, after all.
And he was somebody’s father. The realization hit him again and almost doubled him over. He felt lightheaded and sick just thinking about it, about the fact that he was responsible for someone else. BlueWallace raising a child? Oh, that was a disaster for sure. But when he took another look at the sleeping infant, he felt something he’d never felt before.
There was a kinship there, the idea of someone else being related to him. She carried his genetics. Hell, she even looked like him.Poor kid!he thought, chuckling internally. Truth was, he’d never had a chance to get to know anyone who was a blood relative. All he’d had over the years were foster homes and group care facilities run by the state. He’d never been in the home of a relative, at least not that he could recall. It had occurred to him several times over the years to go to the state and request all the documents related to his intake into the system, but he’d never done it. Now it passed through his mind again, and he decided to give it some serious thought.
There were little clothes in the washer, so as the baby slept, Blue headed to the laundry room to put them in the dryer. Anne had said no fabric softener should be used, so he just tossed them in without a dryer sheet and started the machine tumbling. Passing through the kitchen, he glanced over at the used microwave he’d bought at the thrift store.
Five forty-five. “Shit! I’m supposed to be at the bar in less than an hour! What the hell do I do?” Blue muttered underneath his breath. Looked like he’d have to take her with him. Not knowing what he’d need to take with him, he picked up half a dozen diapers, the powder, the wipes, a pacifier, and a bottle of formula and put it in a plastic shopping bag. Then he remembered something Anne had said.
There was no way he could take her anywhere in the truck without a car seat. How was he going to handle that? Calling off his responsibility was out of the question?if he didn’t show, not only would he and the guys lose out on a night’s pay, but the bar would probably cancel their agreement. Being responsible for that breakdown wasn’t something he wanted to handle. It would wound his pride, but he knew he had to call Anne.
Instead of a hello, she laughed out, “Already?”
“I’ve got a real problem.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m supposed to work tonight. God knows I need the money more now than I did before. But I don’t have a car seat.” As he talked, he paced back and forth. “What am I going to do, Anne? I really don’t know what to do.”
“It’s okay. I’ll come over and get her. Not a problem, really,” she said, and he could tell she was eating something. Shit, he was interrupting her meal with her kids. That wasn’t what he wanted to do at all, but he didn’t know anyone else to call.
“Are you sure? God, I’m so sorry. Really. But I…” he said, trailing off. There was nothing else to say. It was a fucked-up mess, and there was nothing he could do except ask someone to help. And Anne was the only someone he knew.
“Yes. I’m positive. When do you have to leave?”
“As soon as I can. I’m supposed to be there by six thirty to start at seven, and I’m going to be late as it is,” he said, trying to hold down the panic creeping up his throat.
“Okay, tell you what. I’ll come get her and bring her over here. When you come in, just tap on the door and I’ll hand her to you in her basket. Does that sound okay?”
Blue sighed in relief. “Yeah. That sounds perfect. But it’ll be early in the morning before I get done. Are you sure you want me to wake you like that?”
