Page 45 of My Sweetest Agony
I glance at the still unopened box on the mantle, still hearing Cam’s assertion replay over and over in my head.
“You were it for him.”
That statement quieted one beast but left another roaring.
Then why did he lie?
I’ll probably never know.
This gaping hole in my chest will never fill.
But at least Cam was able to give me that one little piece of comfort.
And maybe that’s why he’s here tonight—because he needs some.
I pad over to the window and peek between the blinds. Cam sits on the unlit porch with his back to the door, a cigarette dangling from his lips, the orange glow floating in front of his face.
He hasn’t knocked. Hasn’t made any move to come to the door and let me know he’s here. Exactly like that first night.
If I don’t go out, will he just leave?
I watch him for a few moments, taking a long drag off his cigarette and letting the smoke float out into the night air, but he doesn’t seem inclined to move from that spot.
Almost like he’s waiting for me.
Unsteady steps bring me to the door. I unlock it and open it, but he doesn’t even turn to look at me as I pull it closed behind me and settle down on the step next to him in nothing but my sleep shorts and a loose tank-top.
“I wasn’t sure you’d be up.” His voice comes rough, uneasy, like he’s carefully choosing his words, and that’s somehow difficult for him in this moment. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”
“I don’t sleep much, as you know.”
Cam finally glances over at me, and there’s a hesitant look in his eyes that sends a little shiver through me. Whatever reason he has for coming here at this time of night, he isn’t sure I’m going to like it.
“What’s wrong?”
He shakes his head. “Why does something have to be wrong for me to be here?”
I snort and rest my elbows on my knees, letting my hands dangle between them as I stare out at the empty street lit only by a few streetlamps farther down the road, leaving us plunged in almost total darkness. “Because you’re usually long gone by now, and I haven’t seen you in days.”
He nods and takes a long drag off his cigarette.
Some of the tension eases from his body as he slowly exhales the smoke into the night air.
“Those things will kill you, you know.”
A little snort accompanies his sad smile as he looks at it between his fingers. “This is the least of my vices.” His eyes cut over to mine again. “I smoke so I don’t put worse things in my body.”
I cringe at his statement, suddenly imagining any number of horrible things he might have done when he was still using. “Your brother would tell you to quit.”
He takes a long pull from the cigarette and releases the smoke in a long, steady stream. “He told me a lot of things. Doesn’t mean I always took his advice.”
“Is that why you two weren’t talking?”
Those brilliant blue eyes, darkened by the night and the demons Cam seems to carry with him, lock on me. “Drew and I had a lot of differences of opinion about how I lived my life.”
It’s the closest thing I’ve received to an answer about their rift. An opening in Cam’s steel walls where his relationship with Drew is concerned. And I don’t know when I’ll ever get another one. If I don’t press him now, I may never get what I need.
“Did he know you were using?”
