Page 98 of Conquered
Sometimes it's easier to say things in the dark, even if it's to someone you've known your whole life. My hand rubs at my chest, trying to ease the dull ache inside.
“I know. Me too,” he confides back and lays his head on my shoulder seeking comfort. We sit there for a time, in our shared pain.
“I had another nightmare,” I admit into the silence.
“The cabin?” he asks gently.
Although we told Lilly about that night, she doesn't know the full truth. She doesn't know that she's been my light, chasing away the demons that have tried to consume me ever since my fourteenth birthday. She blazed into our lives with her quirky humor, sharp tongue, and beauty, both inside and out.
Before her, Kai was there. Every time I was plagued by my doubts, and the devils reared their ugly heads, he was there. This guilt, this dark depression claws at me like a parasite. Anytime I feel it crawling under my skin, he helps me. He knows that there are worse ways I could try to drown them. Have tried to drown them.
“Yep,” I say, reaching for my phone that’s on the bedside cabinet, scrolling through my playlists until I find the song I'm looking for.
Demons (Philosophical Session)by Jacob Lee sounds over the Bluetooth speakers in Kai's room, and a breath of relief eases through me.
“Loki…” Kai says, his voice pained.
I know he thinks that this isn't healthy, but it's the only way I know how to stop the pain, the guilt from eating me alive. Other than having Lilly by my side.
“Please, Kai. I need you to,” I beg, looking into his eyes imploringly. My mind starts to panic, my thoughts tortured. He knows my struggles and knows how to quiet them.
“Fine,” he sighs, turning away from me and switching on the bedside light.
He gets out of bed, his back to me, that wonderful Koi tattoo looking alive in the dim light. Going over to a cupboard that's up against a wall, he uses a small key to unlock it, opening the doors to reveal an array of whips, paddles, and restraints.
He takes out a pair of thick leather cuffs and a red and black leather flogger. My breath hitches at the sight, it's a favourite of mine. I already feel the heady anticipation of escape that it'll bring me.
Standing up, I walk around to the end of the four poster bed and hold my wrists out. As I'm just in a pair of boxer briefs, there’s no need to strip above the waist. Kai slowly comes over to me, buckling the cuffs onto my wrists one at a time. There's a chain that links them, which he takes and places onto a hook in the frame of his bed so that my hands are held aloft and my back exposed to him.
“I'm going to strike you five times, Loki,” he tells me, his voice husky and low. My dick twitches as it always does, but there isn't going to be a release of that kind for me tonight. This will be something so much sweeter.
Although we've been doing this same thing for years, it's never gone further than the liberation I find in being punished.I know Kai gets hard while giving out the lashes, and I get hard receiving them, but we've just never gone there. We're not into each other in that way, although I wouldn't be objectionable if it would turn Lilly on…
My thoughts fly out of my mind, a gasp leaving my lips as the first hit strikes. It sends sweet agony across my back, never deep enough to break the skin, but enough to chase those demons back to Hell.
The second strike hits before I've taken a full inhale, then the third, fourth, and fifth, until I'm shaking and panting.
I smile as my mind is finally quiet, finally free. I feel Kai come over, gently caressing my back.
“Better?” he whispers next to my ear. I shiver as his breath tickles me.
“Yes,” I say simply.
He unhooks my hands, the blood rushing to my fingers and making them tingle. Gently, he unbuckles each cuff, then takes them and the flogger back to the cupboard.
I stand there, my chest rising and falling, basking in the glow that the pain has bought me. The deliverance it has given me. I close my eyes and smile, the demons finally quiet, my thoughts blessedly still.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
LILLY
Aweek goes by, then two, and in all that time the guys have completely avoided me. They're gone before I come down in the morning, and are absent when I get back at night. Loki gave me his bed, and I think he sleeps in with one of the others, as I've not seen any blankets or pillows in the living room. It’s a mixed blessing being surrounded by his heavenly vanilla scent all night.
It’s not enough to stop the darkness from taking over, and I've gone back to having my nightly night terrors, like I used to before coming here. I wake up with a raw throat, a wet pillow, and the taste of copper in my mouth.
Kai always leaves me some breakfast in the morning, and it reminds me of his plea from the morning after that awful night.
Please don't give up on us. Give us a chance.
