Page 43 of Nothing to Fear
I sigh roughly, then take a deep breath. I need to be open with him; I want to be open with him.
“Freshman year. I noticed you on the first day. I showed up at Corvus with these big plans to be open about who I am, live a normal life in a new place where no one had any preconceived notions about me. You were wearing a plain black T-shirt, ripped jeans, and had all these bracelets on your wrist. I was immediately attracted to you, but attraction aside, I was drawn to how confident you seemed; it was contagious, and I knew I wanted to be friends with you.”
“Jesus, Si, I would have loved that,” he tells me, and I canhear the honesty in his voice. “What did I do to change that? How’d you end up hating me?”
“Do you remember Ethics of Madness?”
“Yeah, vaguely.”
“I was in the class with you, and I was asked a question on the spot that I couldn’t answer because I was staring at you, daydreaming about how to talk to you. Vulnerability is hard for me, Asher, so fucking hard. And when you spoke up and answered the question, it made me look even more stupid. I was embarrassed, and my insecurities caused me to not handle that emotion very well. Eli cracked a joke about you being an ass-kisser, and it was that split-second decision of me laughing with him instead of defending you that changed everything. I fell back into the jock role that has plagued me since middle school. It was easier than owning my shit.”
“So you just decided to hate me? Because I answered a question?”
“I lied to myself that I hated you, Ash, I treated you like shit to protect myself because I was jealous of you.”
His head bops back at my admission. I was—am—jealous of Asher Ambrose. And I’m okay with admitting that.
“Si . . .”
“No, really. You’re so carefree, Ash, so easy for everyone to like and talk to. You’re outwardly and openly yourself in everything you do and say. You come across like you have zero insecurities. I’ve always wanted to be that. It didn’t help that I was so goddamn attracted to you that it physically hurt to look at you.”
“Was?” I question with a smirk.
“Am.”
Asher smiles, swiping my hair out of my face again and leaning in to press a kiss against my lips. It’s soft and sweet and makes my heart do crazy things behind my ribs.
“I’m sorry. If I had known, I would have chased you down a long time ago. I never understood why you hated me so much. I get it now. I hate it, but I get it.”
“I’m sorry for treating you like shit.”
“It’s water under the bridge. Are you done running from me?”
“Are you going to chase me down if I do?”
“Yes.”
Chapter 17
Asher
Iknow it’s a gamble to show up to the Corvus College rugby game, but I’m here anyway. Did I purchase his jersey to wear tonight? Yes. Did I wear it? No. I channeled my inner Silas, apparently, and let fear talk me out of wearing my man’s name to his game. Even if the rest of the world doesn’t know he’s my man.
I take my seat at center field, a few rows above the home team bench. It gives me a perfect view of the field and the sidelines. I didn’t tell him I was coming tonight, not wanting to add to his nerves or get in his head. I meant what I said to him, that we could take this slow, that I would go at his pace, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to hide in the shadows. I want to see him play, so I’m here, and no one will be any the wiser.
For as popular as rugby is at Corvus, I’ve never been to a game. Sports really aren’t my thing, and I’ve never had a reason to go until now. I don’t know a single thing about rugby, and it’s honestly confusing as fuck, but what I do know is that Corvus is losing by halftime, and Silas is only physically on the field. His head isn’t in it.
So, when Silas rushes to the sidelines, defeat etched into the soft skin of his face where my fingers were just tracing this morning, I know I have to do something.
Cupping my hands in front of my mouth, I stand up and yell as loud as I can, not giving two shits who’s around me. “Hey, slacker! Thought you were supposed to be the best?”
Silas looks around for a minute, his eyes going wild as he scans the crowd in front of him, and then he sees me, the corner of those lips I love to kiss so much turning up ever so slightly, his eyes glowing with excitement. He’s quick to mask it, but I caught it. Happiness. And if that doesn’t make my heart swell, I don’t know what would. Silas Blackwood is happy to see that I’m here.
The second half starts, and my boy is a different person. It’s like watching two halves find their whole. He’s centered, present, calm, and confident. He’s the man I’ve started to fall in love with. Hell, he’s the man I am in love with. Which might sound batshit crazy, but when everything in life is pointing me in one direction, I trust my intuition, and it’s all in agreement.
Silas Blackwood is mine, and I’m his.
There are a few plays, the crowd getting louder and louder, feet stomping on the metal stands, screaming and hollering, cheering, and calling our numbers. Adrenaline pumps through my veins as I join in, still not knowing what the hell is going on, but understanding enough to know Corvus has started to take back the game.
