Page 25 of Nerdplay
Finally, he jumps aside and lets the remaining balls hit the tree. “Heroes have to demonstrate agility, too, right?”
Angela fans herself with a large leaf. “On a scale of Chris Hemsworth to Chris Pratt, that was a Chris Pine.”
“What about Chris Evans?” Charlie asks, seemingly ready to plead his case. The lawyer in him is stronger than the Force.
“Not even close, my dude,” Stefan says. “You don’t have America’s ass.”
“He is America’s ass,” I say under my breath.
Olivia waves her hands from her place in front of a tree. “Can we do it again? Nothing hit me.”
“You bruise too easily,” Ben tells her gently. “I can’t send you home looking like a plum.”
Her face crumples.
“You can do the next one,” I say. “It involves balance.”
She perks up. “Oh, I’m good at that. I did gymnastics until last year.”
“How about you, Charlie?” I ask. “Any gymnastics in your illustrious background?”
“No, but I dated a gymnast. Does that count?”
Angela pins him with a come-hither stare. “But could she suck her own toes?”
“Gross,” Olivia says. “Who would want to do that?”
“No one,” Ben answers quickly. “Absolutely no one.”
Over the next half hour, the heroes perform feats of balance and strength. At one point, I realize I’m ogling Charlie’s biceps as they strain under the weight of the tree branch. Those muscles deserve a little hero worship, no doubt about it, but I’m not the one willing to play acolyte. Olivia then complains she’s being treated like a child until she’s given the chance to lift the same branch as Charlie. After that, she’s more than happy to partake in the kid version.
I notice Angela inching closer to the dock. The next thing I know, she flips over a kayak and pushes it into the water. “Hurry! There’s a kitten on top of an overturned kayak in the water. What do you do?”
“Why would a kitten be on a kayak?” he asks.
“It’s roleplaying. That means roll with it!” Angela shoos him forward. “This Russian judge wants to see him shirtless.”
But Charlie doesn’t do her the favor of ripping off his shirt. The only articles he’s willing to remove are his socks and shoes, which he sets carefully on the grass away from the water’s edge.
“What are you doing?” Hunter yells. “That kitten is drowning, man.”
Charlie turns to address him. “My shoes are Gucci. I can’t get them wet. They’ll be ruined.”
A collective groan follows his declaration.
“Give him an F!” John shouts. I swear it’s the loudest declaration he’s ever made.
“Touch grass,” Olivia adds with disdain.
“We don’t really assign grades for performance, you know that,” I say.
“Sex with you must be very lackluster,” Angela replies. “If you don’t give feedback, how will they ever improve?”
My cheeks burn and I pray Charlie didn’t hear her comment.
“What’s that about lackluster sex?” he asks.
Terrific. Now I want to melt into a puddle and evaporate into the earth. “Just rescue the kitten on the kayak, hero.”
