Page 109 of Roughing the Player
“Because that was the only way to get you to marry me.”
She drops her arms as doubt rolls over her face. “What?”
“I knew if I offered anything permanent, you would have said no. And I couldn’t have that. Not when I’ve wanted you for so long.”
Her breath hitches. “Since when?”
“Since always.” I cup her cheek, stroke a thumb across her velvety skin. I love her so much, but I can’t say the words. She’ll never believe me.
“If you wanted me so much, why didn’t you come looking for me?”
She’s right. I should have. But nobody knew where she’d gone. I’d been so devastated when she left, I’d barely eaten, hardly slept. It’d taken my high school football coach to pull me out of my funk. After I’d missed several practices, he’d told me I was in danger of not being recruited by Clemson, Mississippi State or anyone else. And then he’d ordered me to pull my head out of my ass. The tough talk worked so well I pretty much mowed down defenses after that. By the time I’d arrived at college, I’d learned to focus on football in order to live with the pain. But I never forgot her. “You left without saying goodbye. I thought you didn’t want me, Ellie.”
“I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say.”
“How about I’m having your baby. Please help.”
“You were seventeen, Brock. Last thing you wanted was a baby. You said so yourself.”
I don’t recall that conversation. “When?”
“After the Outlaws’ banquet. You said it’d been for the best you hadn’t knocked me up.”
“I didn’t know, Ellie. But if you’d given me half a chance, I would have fucking learned.”
“You were the biggest stud in high school, Brock. What kind of a father would you have made? I had to think about the baby. I had to think about me.”
“From the day we made love, I never looked at another girl, much less hooked up with one. I would have done right by you.”
“And what would you have done, Brock? Told me you’d take care of us until the end of time?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“No. Of course, you don’t. It’s easier to believe what you want to believe. Life is a whole lot easier when you push people away. That way you’ll never get hurt.”
Tears rain down her cheeks as she puts both hands over her ears. “Stop this. Stop this.”
I pull down her hands because I want her to hear every word I have to say. “But understand this. You’re throwing us away when we could be wonderful.”
“You’d say anything, do anything to keep us by your side.” She spits out.
“Not anything, Ellie. I would never lie about this. I want you in my life. You and Kaylee and Butch. And that’s the God’s honest truth.”
We’re standing inches from each other, and yet a whole world apart.
Kaylee rushes into the kitchen, a concerned look on her face, and we grow silent.
“What are you arguing about?” she asks.
I take a deep breath, let it out. “Your mother forgot to tell me she was pregnant.”
Kaylee’s cheeks turn pink.
“You knew? And you didn’t tell me?” Betrayed by both my wife and my daughter.
“I couldn’t.” She stares at the floor. “It wasn’t for me to tell.”
