Page 36 of Roughing the Player
Chapter 10
Eleanor
MAMA EMERGES FROM THE KITCHEN,wiping her hands on her apron. The look on her face tells me it’s not cooking she has in mind. “Honey, you have to tell him about Kaylee.”
“That’s not happening, Mama.”
“She’s his daughter. He has a right to know.”
“He doesn’t want a daughter, or a son, for that matter.”
“How do you know?”
“He told me at the Outlaws’ banquet. He said how glad he was he hadn’t gotten me pregnant. That it would have been a disaster.” My heart aches from that memory.
“Well, of course, he would have felt that way at the time. He was seventeen, only a kid. But he’s a grown man now. He probably feels different about a child.”
“No. He doesn’t. He lives, breathes, and eats football. He barely has enough time for Butch, and you saw how much he loves his dog. How much time do you think he’d have for a kid he never wanted and didn’t know he had?”
“That’s not the point, and you know it.”
Yeah, I know. The point is he is Kaylee’s father, and he needs to know. But how can I bring myself to tell him? He still craves his party lifestyle. What if he got visitation rights? Where exactly would he take her? To a place where his orgy room reigned front and center? I shudder to think of Kaylee wandering around his house and finding that bed, those “toys.” Such a thing might scar her for life. I can’t tell Mama about that room, so voicing those reasons is not happening. I take another approach.
“How am I supposed to explain him to Kaylee, Mama?” When Kaylee turned four, she asked me about her father. I told her he wasn’t around. Four years later, when she’d been old enough to understand, I’d explained her father hadn’t been interested in being a daddy, but that she had a mommy, a grandma, and grandpa who loved her dearly. She’d felt bad for a time, but eventually she’d rebounded. It had helped that her best friend didn’t have a father in the picture either.
Many of her friends here in Chicago have single mothers as well, so being a kid with a missing father’s no big deal. And she has had a father figure in Steve, Mama’s husband. He’s always been there for her—birthday parties, family celebrations, holidays. Just this year, he’d gone to a father-daughter dance with her. I don’t think she’s minded the lack of a dad. But I honestly don’t know how she feels deep down inside. It’s something we don’t talk about.
With Brock back in my life, though, I can no longer ignore the reality of him. But the thought of explaining him to Kaylee is more than I can deal with. So the easy answer is I don’t. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
“She’s smart, Eleanor. If you sit her down and explain your reasoning, yes, she’ll be angry at first. But eventually, she will forgive you. She loves you too much to resent you for long. You need to tell him first, though. You want to know exactly where he stands before you talk to Kaylee.”
“Mama, you’re the wisest woman I know, but this time you’re wrong.”
She shakes her head. “You’re plumb scared, that’s what you are.”
I hitch up my chin. “Scared of what?”
“Scared you’ll lose your daughter. Most of all, you’re petrified you’ll lose Kaylee to him.”
“Why would I? She hates football.”
“Football has nothing to do with it. He’s her father. She needs to know, and so does he.”
“No.”
She whooshes out a hard breath. “You’ve always been stubborn. How are you going to manage when he picks up or drops off Butch and she’s here?”
“She won’t be. First off, she’s at camp for two weeks. After she comes home, I’ll take her to the movies or the art museum or shopping for school clothes when he comes by.”
She folds her hands in front of her. “And I guess it’ll be me waiting for him?”
“You don’t mind, Mama, do you?” I hate to ask so much of her, when I’ve already done it so many times. But I’d do anything to keep Brock and Kaylee from ever meeting.
“Of course not. But—”
“Thank you.” I hug and kiss her before she can say something else. “It should only be for a couple of weekends. He’ll find a house soon enough, and then Butch will be gone.”
She glances at me with sad eyes. “Eleanor, I know you mean well, but it’s not going to work, honey. Things have a way of coming out.”
