Page 14 of Things I Overshared
From:[email protected]
Your Stupid Friend
Dear favorite brother-in-law,
Your wife may have explained I am trying to befriend your silent arctic ogre of a friend Emerson Clark. I am getting nowhere fast. Please advise ASAP!
Have a great day,
Samantha Canton
Senior Director of East Sales
Canton Cards International
_________________________________________
Re: Your Stupid Friend
Ha, I am still your only brother-in-law. Emerson is a guy. A quiet, private guy, but overall a nice dude. One of the best, actually. Get some beers in him and just be chill and talk. Ask him about his work, and he’ll nerd out and babble on. Or tease him about England. Just don’t try to force it.
Sincerely,
Adam Bell
Bell Construction
I cringe. Don’t try to force it. That was spelled out on theDon’t Listin one of the articles I read. At this point, I’m thinking of changing my legal name to Samantha Forcing It Canton. Still, I am on a timeline. My brother-in-law doesn’t understand. I can’t just sit back and wait for a friendship to naturally happen when we never see or talk to one another. Being chill is not my strong suit, but beers . . . now beers I can do. I shoot an email asking Marge for an end-of-day appointment for tomorrow.
I reply to Adam for a beer recommendation and start to brainstorm questions about work and England. I can feel the sinking feeling in my gut—the spark of hope about this—starting to flicker out. I shake my head a bit. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Buzz and Woody didn’t become pals overnight.Patience, Samantha. Patience!
WEDNESDAY 9:00p.m.
Sadie: Update?
Me: Welp, today he got up and left the conference room
So he wouldn’t have to sit next to me
Sally: F this guy. You don’t need him as a friend.
Susan: Oh please, I’m sure he just had to pee!
I’m sure that even if he did, he didn’t come back to his seat
Like a normal person
And instead sneaked in the other door to STAND the whole meeting
Skye: Maybe you need to switch deodorants!
Sadie: Admitting defeat?
Not yet.
Trying beers tomorrow.
