Page 133 of Things I Overshared
“What, what’s wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong.” She tries to calm me, but my alarms are going off. “I just need to . . . level with you about something.”
“Okay?” She’s being so weird.
“I had a long talk with Adam and then, um, Emerson, actually.”
“What? When? How? Explain!” My heart joins my gut and tightens as well, causing a burning sensation in my chest.
It’s been a long two weeks since I stood my ground.
I’ve relived every moment with Emerson in my mind a thousand times. The good and the bad. And especially the end. In this apartment, flying all this way, to tell me his big secret. I know I made the right decision, for me, I did. I know. But there are just some moments.
I thought about our future, Samantha, our life together . . .
You would adopt?
It broke me too, it did. Samantha, you have to believe me. I lo—
I love you.
He was going to say it. And when he asked if I would adopt, his whole face changed, like hope seeped through every individual pore. Just like pain radiated from him too, and shame and guilt. Longing, loss, regret.
My chest tightens even more.
“Sam?”
I blink hard and snap myself back to reality. “Sorry, what?”
“I said I need to ask you something, and I want you to be honest. Honest with me and honest with yourself.”
“O-Okay?”
Susan clears her throat. “Do you think you could forgive him?”
I take a step back, knocking my back into the cold fridge. “Wait, what?”
“I know you love him. You know you love him. And I think you know he loves you too. What I want to know is, do you think you could forgive him?”
“Forgive him?” I repeat the words like it’s the most insane thing she’s ever said, because it is.
“Sweetie, people make mistakes. He made a big one. A huge one. But loving someone means forgiving them.”
I get louder. “Ummm, how can he love me and hurt me like that, Suze? That’s not love, to stab and twist the knife in the deepest, most sensitive spot there is.”
“Honey, that’s basically marriage, in a nutshell,” Susan says flatly.
I move from the kitchen to the living room and plop on the couch. “Huh? What are you saying? You and Adam hurt each other?”
“Of course, so many times. Hell, what you described isn’t just marriage—it’s family. Have you forgotten our dear sister, Skye? The ones who love us know right where to stab, because they’re so close, they see us, laid totally bare.” Her voice gets weird before she shifts gears. “But, with Emerson, it’s different because in his twisted head, he was trying to protect you, to spare you.”
“So now you’re taking his side?!” I can’t believe my ears.
“No, I’m on your side—the side that sees you hurting and knows you really love him and miss him like crazy, and I’m straight-up asking you if you think you could do the hard thing, the loving, wild thing, and forgive him.”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Think about it. Really think about forgiving him, having him back in your life, picking up where you left off or starting over if you want. Just think it through, okay?”
