Page 73 of Part of Forever
Every time I think about Tucker, it feels like I’ve had the windknocked out of me. It’s almost always impossible to breathe when I think of him.
“He’ll come back,” I say, even though with each passing day, I don’t know if I believe it anymore. “He’ll come back.”
“I hope so,” Dad says, and we both watch the movie playing on the TV, even though I don’t think either of us are actually paying attention.
It’s a few hours later when the front door opens quietly, and everyone perks up as Tucker enters the room, followed by his mom, who I’ve only seen in pictures. If I could, I’d get up and run to him right now. Instead, he’s by my side in seconds.
He is back.
“I’m so sorry,” he says, over and over, as he takes me in his arms and pulls me onto his lap. “I’m so sorry.”
“Where were you?” I whisper. Nathan tugs on Grace’s sleeve to give us some room, and even my parents head into the kitchen, talking with Tucker’s mom.
“I was headed for Nashville.” He pulls away from me slightly, so he can look in my eyes. “I turned off my phone and just started driving.”
“You’re not your dad,” I tell him.
He nods, but he looks guilty.
“I just, I’m so sorry, Rosie.” He presses his head against mine. “I was just so overwhelmed, I thought I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want you to die, and I freaked out, and thought that leaving might be the best option, so I ran, and then I really felt like I was my dad.”
“You can’t run,” I tell him, “when things get hard. Running is not the answer.”
He nods. “I know, and I’m so sorry.”
“What day is it?” I ask him. I’ve lost all track of time since I got home.
“First Saturday in June,” he tells me. He’s been gone for five weeks. “I made it to Utah and I decided to charge my phone. There were so many missed calls, and that’s when I noticed Mom had called about a hundred times.”
Bless his mom’s heart. “And?”
“And I ignored her. Even when she told me she was coming out to California, and I started my way back. I still wasn’t ready.” He looks down, ashamed. “I went to my grandparents’ cabin, which wasn’t the best idea, because all I could think about was you and our almost perfect night.”
“You took your guitar,” I murmur. For some reason, this is the part that stings the most. It hurts that he left, that he walked away from me, from us. But knowing he took his guitar made it more real. I’d hoped he would come back, but there was no guarantee, because he took the only thing he loves as much as me.
“I know,” he says, knowing exactly what that made me think and feel. That he was going to be gone for good. “I wasn’t planning on coming back.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Rosie. I’ve been working with Murphy in LA, trying to get my set ready for opening with Peyton, but that’s not going well. And yesterday, I headed up to the cabin, and I got a text from Mom telling me she was coming.” He cradles my face in his hands. “I didn’t want to leave. I got scared. I wanted a new life, even if it was just for a day. But then as the days passed, well, I realized that life isn’t life without you in it. And even though, well,” he says all of this in a rush and then lets out a small sob, “even though I don’t get forever with you, at least we got some time.”
I nod, because that’s exactly how I feel. If I could do life over again, I’d choose to be with him sooner, but even if I couldn’t do that, I won’t ever regret a second that I spent with him.
“I wrote you a song,” he says, then he gently sets me back on my makeshift bed and grabs his guitar from the hallway.
“I thought you said you’ve been struggling with music?” I ask, confused.
“Yeah, but the words just came the other day while I was sitting in my hotel room, and the chords came yesterday at the cabin.” He settles on the bed in front of me, his guitar in his lap. It reminds me of the first time he played for me, all those months ago, when we were still just flirting and everything was new and happy.
He closes his eyes and starts to play. I watch his face and he looks more relaxed than when he left. Whatever happened to him on his runaway trip changed him.
Then he starts singing, and I remember all the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place. I close my eyes and listen to the music and the words as he sings.
They say eighteen’s too young to know
‘Bout how to feel and how to show it
But that never was a problem for me,
Like that ol’ song says, I got my eyes on you
And there ain’t nothing I’d rather do
