Page 52 of Part of Forever
Okay. That was kind of a gross image, but really. I’m a wimp when it comes to pain. Doctor Barker didn’t actually say that, but that’s what it felt like she was saying.
I haven’t talked to Dad or Lucy about God anymore, but I am thinking about all the things they said. I still don’t have any answers, but I don’t feel as mad about it as I did before.
Love, Rosie
March 18
Dear Journal,
I feel like not much is happening. I still haven’t been given permission to dance, which is KILLING ME. But I go to the studio every day. I help Mom out with the little girl classes and sometimes I just sit in one of the empty practice rooms and listen to my audition piece, even though my audition is over.
Nathan is upset with me for not telling Grace about my tumor, but he pretends to be fine when we’re all together, which I’m grateful for. If we’re alone, he rarely talks to me. I miss him, I miss talking to him. We talked about him and her a little and he said the same thing she did, but I feel like he avoids me most of the time. Which I really hate. I just don’t know how to tell her. Tucker was so understanding, but I don’t think Grace will be. She doesn’t think we have any secrets between us (even if she didn’t tell me about her and mybrother) and she’ll hate me forever if she finds out I didn’t tell her about the tumor.
I spent so much time before my audition (and right after it) talking about how I couldn’t wait to just be ‘normal’ and not have anything going on. Turns out, I really don’t like it…
Love, Rosie
April 30th
Grace found out.
21
I’min Grace’s kitchen. Erin, Grace’s mom, is making dinner, and I’m waiting for Tucker to get home from work—which tonight is singing at the bar during their afternoon happy hour—so we can go on our date.
“Why didn’t you go watch him sing?” Grace asks me as she peels a banana, and my stomach rolls. She’s barely said a word to me since she found out about my tumor and the real reason I had surgery. She found out two days ago when my mom slipped up and told me something about Lucy. I’m not mad at Mom; I’m glad it’s out in the open, but just like I thought, Grace hasn’t forgiven me.
“He asked me not to, said he had something special for us planned and didn’t want me to be all mushy before the date even started.”
Erin smiles at me. “He sure does love you, ya know?”
“I know.” I smile at her.
“You need to tell him, Rosie,” Erin says, and my gaze cuts to Grace.
“What?” Grace asks. “I had to tell someone.”
“I already did,” I say.
“Really?” Grace hits the counter, making me jump. “Or will you just wait until he accidentally hears your mom talking about it? Because there’s no way he’s been with you for three months and knows and didn’t tell me.”
“Grace,” I start, but she holds up a hand. She didn’t believe that I had already told Tucker when I said that after she found out. She still doesn’t believe me, and apparently, Erin doesn’t think I did, either. Apparently, they think he should still be mad at me for lying, but he hasn’t been mad the entire time. He was just thankful I told him and glad that I’m okay now.
“I don’t even want to hear it,” she says before walking out of the kitchen.
I look at Erin. “I am sorry. I was just worried about what she’d say and how she’d treat me. I just didn’t want it to be real, so I figured that pretending it wasn’t would make it easier. But I told him, right after the dance, and he forgave me for lying.”
“They care about you sweetheart,” Erin says, kneading the dough for cinnamon rolls in front of her. “You should have told her sooner.”
“I know,” I say. “But I didn’t, and I don’t know what else to do other than apologize about keeping it from her.
“Just give her time,” Erin says. “She just needs time to adjust to the news.”
“I know.”
“You know what?” Tucker asks, entering the kitchen, and I smile brightly at him, hoping it doesn’t look too forced.
“I know that she won’t hate me forever for not telling her about the tumor,” I say.
