Page 21 of Part of Forever
“I don’t want to date him,” I say quietly. “I’m single, but my heart belongs to someone else.”
His eyes flare.
“Single?” he asks, as if he’s testing the word, makingsure it feels right on his tongue. Guess he’s gonna ignore the part where I said my heart belongs to someone else— that my heart belongs to him.
“Single,” I repeat.
“It’s about damn time,” he says, searching my face, and he must find whatever he’s looking for, because he takes a step closer. My breath hitches as he closes the distance between us and his gaze flicks to my lips. I lick them in anticipation.
My pulse races. For a split second I’m afraid that someone is going to come through the door and stop whatever is about to happen, but no one does, and a moment later, his lips are on mine.
He tastes like the spearmint gum that he’s always chewing, and I smile against his lips. I feel him smile in return, before he pulls me closer, deepening the kiss, and my lips part slightly as he runs his tongue across my lips and I shiver; but he doesn’t deepen the kiss any more than that.
I’m standing on my toes, my hands in his hair, tightening around the soft curls that hit the base of his neck and pulling him closer. He has his arms firmly around my back, pulling me against him.
Warmth spreads through my body as he kisses me, and for a moment, I don’t think about Shawn or cancer or being embarrassed. He shifts, lifting me a few inches off the ground before he pulls away slightly, our foreheads touching. “I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” he whispers.
Instead of replying, I lean forward and kiss him again. Because for the moment, the only thing that matters is kissing Tucker Bensen.
10
Nathan holdsmy hand as we silently ride to the hospital for my first group therapy session after school. Doctor Barker recommended I go, as a second-time cancer patient, because she thinks it will help me come to terms with what is happening in my body. Which, to be completely honest, is fair, since I’m still deep in denial that I even have a tumor. Mostly, I just pretend it isn’t there.
I’m also still not sure how I’ll hide my surgery and recovery from Tucker and Grace, but I’ll be damned if they find out sooner than I want them to. Plus, I still have another week till the surgery, and once it’s all over, I can tell them about it. It’s not that much time.
Thinking about Tucker makes my palms sweat, but in a good way, I think. After we kissed on Saturday, I ran away and we haven’t talked since beyond a handful of heart emojis. I haven’t told anyone yet. I want to tell my brother, but I don’t really know how to say it. Shawn ended our fake sort of almost relationship and then I went and let Tucker kiss me immediately after that?
I know Nathan and Grace won’t judge me in any way, but I’m not ready for the “oh you two are perfect together” that I know we’ll get from Grace. I just want to enjoy this for as long as I can. Ijust want to be us—Rosie and Tucker—without anyone else knowing about whatever we are. Without having to tell him the truth about what’s happening to my body, and maybe for just a few days, that kiss can be just ours.
Dad walks into the clinic with me, while Nathan stays in the car. Mom didn’t come; she had classes at the studio. Dad will have to sit in the waiting area or hang out in the car with Nathan, but he stays with me until they are ready to take me back.
“You’ll do great, kid,” he whispers in my ear as he gives me a hug.
I follow the nurse to a large room full of chairs in a semicircle. There’s one girl my age sitting right in the middle and she grins at me as I walk in.
I swallow hard; today is not a day for tears. Today I can be brave, plus Doctor Barker said I didn’t have to talk if I didn’t want to, so hopefully I can just listen today. But being here feels like I’m embracing this reality, that I do have another tumor, and my last appointment wasn’t just a bad dream.
I walk toward the girl, pausing for a half-second when I realize she’s in a hospital gown. They didn’t give me one, but do I need one?
She catches my pause and smiles. “It’s okay, I’ll probably be the only one in a gown.” She’s got a bubbly voice that could rival Grace’s.
“Oh,” is all I say as I take the seat next to her before I can change my mind.
“I’m Lucy,” she says. “I’m here full time right now. In the hospital, I mean. I’m doing chemo but my mom doesn’t really have the capacity to help me when I’m at home. She’s got the money though, so I just stay here.”
I shift nervously. “I’m sorry,” I say, but that doesn’t feel like the right thing to say. I’m just not sure how to respond.
Lucy smiles again. “It’s alright. I’ve got a brain tumor that keeps getting bigger right on my brain stem, plus one that’sgrowing by my lung, but they’re gonna take that out this week. You?”
I glance around, wishing that someone else would enter the room so I didn’t have to talk about my cancer with this girl who seems so calm about the tumors in her body. How can you be so carefree while your body is growing things that could kill you?
“I’ve got a tumor near my liver.” I frown; that’s the first time I’ve said it out loud since Doctor Barker gave us the news. “Not on my liver, though. My doctor is sure that surgery will take care of it and I can get back to my normal life.”
“Which is?” she asks, curious.
“Dance,” I say. “Ballet. I just auditioned for a studio in Paris, and that’s where I’m planning to go in the fall.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. I’m a senior this year—well, I would be if I’d been going to school for the past two years. I’m almost done with all the work to finish my GED.”
