Page 53 of Begin Again
“Right this way.” Erica leads us to the boardwalk where we walk a little ways down to a restaurant. She points, “There is a private deck here that you booked which will be yours for the evening.”
“Thank you,” I tell her. “Is there anything else we need to do or know?”
“We’ll take care of the rest,” Erica tells us. “But if you have any questions, any at all, give me a call and I’ll be able to get everything sorted.”
Erica hands me a business card, and her fingers purposely brush mine. Annie stills beside me. As Erica leaves, I turn to Annie.
“You alright?” I ask, giving her my full attention. I know she’s not, but I want her to tell me.
She gives me the slightest head shake.
“What do you need?” I ask her and watch as she looks out at the water.
“Can you just hug me for a second?” she asks, voice quiet.
“Of course.” I pull her into my arms and look over her head out at the ocean. Her heart is racing as I tighten my hold. After a few minutes, her heart rate slows.
“Want to tell me what happened?” I ask.
“I’m not exactly sure,” she answers. “Something about that lady reminded me of…” Annie takes a slow, deep breath. “My body just kind of freaked out. My therapist warned me that this would still happen, that things would trigger me even if I didn’t understand it. That my nervous system would go into fight or flight mode, even when I’m not actually in danger.”
“And me hugging you helps?” I ask as she touches the front of my shirt.
“Anything that grounds me in the present and reminds me that I am safe helps, but yeah, physical touch like a hug or someone squeezing my hand, those things help the fastest.”
“Well, I’m happy I was here to help, sunshine.” I lean forward and press a kiss to her temple. She closes her eyes.
“Thank you for making me feel safe, Sam,” Annie whispers. “You’ve always been good at that.”
“You’re welcome,” I whisper back and something like hope swells inside my chest. There might be hope for the two of us after all.
I feel her take a deep breath against me, as if she’s preparing herself to say something big. “I’m going to have to move slowly.”
“Slow is great,” I reassure her.
She looks up at me, her eyes glinting in the morning sun. I know I just told her that slow is great, but I’d really like to kiss her right now.
“I don’t want to freak you out,” I tell her. “But I do want to see what happens with us. But I’m willing to go at your pace. You can hold all the reins.”
She nods. “It’s not going to be easy for you. I’m a hot mess.” She lets out a small laugh. “But I’m trying. Therapy has been helping a lot. I’m learning more about myself and why I fell into the trap that was Mitch and why it was so hard to leave, even when he was horrible. I’m not ready to talk about all those things with you though.”
I squeeze her hips with my hands. “That’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“Of course. I would love if you could come and talk to me about all the hard stuff, but if you’re not ready for that—or even if you never get there—that’s okay. I’m still going to be here. And I’ll drive you to therapy so that you can talk to someone.”
She swallows and looks away from me. Out toward the ocean.
“You’re holding the reins, okay?” I give her another hug.
“Okay. Thanks, Sam.” When she smiles up at me, it’s just like all those years ago when we first started hanging out. A ray of sunshine straight to my chest. I smile back at her.
30
ANNIE
“Ready to hit the pool?” I ask Sam as I leave his warm embrace and he watches me carefully. He’s giving me the power and control in our relationship and honestly, I don’t know what to do with it. I’m proud of myself for telling him about therapy and sharing that I’m not quite ready to share everything with him.
