Page 41 of Begin Again
“You could have,” she says so quietly I almost don’t hear her. “I’m your wife after all.”
My mouth goes dry at her words, surely she’s not aware of what she just said. But even if she was, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is getting her warm. I take her hands, which are like icicles, and put them in mine and I pull her back against my chest.
“Time to warm up, sunshine.”
“Mmm,” is all she says in response and then we lie together in silence.
When I wake up a few hours later, she is still in my arms, but now we’re facing each other and she’s already looking at me.
“Hi,” she says quietly.
“Hi,” I say as I rub her back. “Want to talk about what happened?”
She shakes her head. “Not really, but I probably should.”
“Are you okay?” I ask as I pull her to me, her head on my chest.
“Not really.”
When Annie moves her face again, our noses brush but she doesn’t pull away. “I ran into him. I mean, I knew it would happen at some point, but it happened today.”
I simply watch her eyes and try to keep the rage I feel hidden. She already went through the ringer today with whatever happened, I’m not about to make it worse just because whenever he comes up my blood boils.
“It was fine at first, I was just prepping the kitchen for tonight’s service when he asked if he could talk to me in his office alone.”
“You don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t want to,” I tell her. I don’t want to make her re-live it if she doesn’t want to.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them again and that’s when I see the tears. “I can’t even repeat what he said. It was so awful. But, I think some of what he said might actually be true.”
“Oh, no, sunshine.” I pull her closer to me and our legs tangle together as she grips my shirt and cries into it. I run my fingers through her hair. “I can promise that whatever he said wasn’t true. He doesn’t know you. He only cares about himself, and he wants to take back whatever power he thinks he can get and that’s why he said what he did.”
When she stops crying, she looks up at me, her eyes clearer than they’ve been in weeks. “Kiss me, Sam.”
My jaw drops open in shock. “Are you sure?”
I don’t want her to kiss me simply because she wants to forget about her bad day. I don’t even know if I should kiss her because of what she went through today. Do you kiss someone when they’re in a vulnerable state even if they ask you?
“I’ve been trying to work up the courage to ask you for weeks,” she says, not taking her eyes off of mine and I see a faint blush crawl up her cheeks. “I had a whole conversation planned…but that will have to wait. Right now I feel warm and safe in your arms. So will you kiss me?”
I brush her hair out of her face and take in her eyes—that somehow seem brighter after she’s cried—and all the freckles that cover her nose and down to her soft pink lips. The same lips that drive me crazy most nights in my sleep. But I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t want to cause her any more heartache
“Any day now, Sam,” she says with a laugh and moves one of her hands to my face. I could cry in relief at how warm they are.
“I was so scared,” I tell her. “When I got home and found you in the shower.”
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“Don’t be sorry, I just… I want to be here for you, okay?”
“Okay.”
“And I don’t want to push you into doing something with me just because you’ve had a bad day.”
Annie leans forward so our noses brush. She runs one of her hands through my hair. “Don’t you see it Sam? How I feel about you? Maybe now isn’t the time to talk about it, but we will need to have that conversation. But right now? Right now I want to kiss you. Or you to kiss me.”
I want to cradle her in my arms and keep her safe from everything. Does she mean what I think she means? Does she love me? I want to ask, but she’s said we can talk later, and I’ll just have to trust that. “Alright, sunshine.”
She grins at me.
