Page 40 of Begin Again
“What?” she asks and I hear a child in the background, which means our phone call is about to end.
“Nothing, you just gave me a lot to think about.”
“Don’t think, just do.”
“We’ll see.” I have to work later, so it’s not like Sam and I can have any sort of conversation until tomorrow anyway. He’ll probably be asleep by the time I get home.
“I’ve gotta go,” Emily starts.
“I know, I heard your kid,” I say with a smile. Emily is a great mom. If I ever decide to have kids someday, I hope I can be like her.
“He’s been very snuggly lately,” she tells me. “I think he knows there’s about to be a new baby.”
“Well, enjoy your snuggles.”
“You too,” she says with a voice that I know all too well. She’s planning something.
“No texting Sam and meddling.” I have to stop her before she does something drastic. I can handle this. I will tell him my feelings, sometime.
“What? I would never.”
“Ha. Just please don’t say anything yet. I’ll talk to him soon,” I tell her, already formulating how we can have a casual but also serious conversation tomorrow. I’m ready to take things to the next level. To actually be a couple. If he is ready for that.
“Okay…” Emily says and I hear a little voice over the phone. “I have to go, but if you don’t say anything soon, I will start to meddle.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” I say, but I’m smiling. Grateful to have a friend who cares so much about me and my happiness.
“Go get your man.”
21
SAM
End of December 2023 - Sam is 29, Annie is 27
As soon as I enter our apartment, I know something is wrong. Our Christmas tree twinkles in the corner, since we haven’t taken it down yet. I was planning to ring in the new year alone. Annie had to go into work this afternoon, since she was working on the new menu. She should still be there, since she has a shift tonight. I wasn’t planning to see her today, since I knew my meeting with my team would go long as we went over the logistics of me stepping back from making so many videos and traveling all the time. I also have a few errands to run, but I didn’t rush, because I knew I’d be staying up to wait for Annie anyway. But the shower is running even though the apartment is completely dark. I drop my keys and the groceries I bought on my way home from physical therapy onto the counter.
I knock on the bathroom door. “Annie?”
When she doesn’t reply, I twist the knob, every nerve in my body is telling me that something is wrong and I prepare myself to find her black and blue like I did a year ago. Instead, I find her sitting in the bathtub fully clothed. The water from the shower ispelting her back and she has her arms wrapped around her legs. I reach in and pull my hand back in shock—the water beating down on her is ice cold. I turn the shower off.
“Annie, what happened?” Her eyes are glassy as she looks up at me and her lips are turning blue. “We’ve got to get you into dry clothes and get you warm, can you stand?”
Annie doesn’t respond, she just leans against the wall and closes her eyes as if the thought of moving is too much work. Terror rips through me. “Annie!” I shout and she blinks her eyes open. “I’m going to get you out of the tub and I have to change your clothes because you’re soaked and freezing, is that okay?”
“Yeah,” she whispers before closing her eyes again. I pull her out of the tub and carry her to my room. Carefully, I set her on my bed and hurry to her closet, grabbing a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt that I realize she must have taken from my closet because it’s mine. I grab some underwear from her top drawer and hurry back to her. She’s still in her chef’s jacket. I make quick work unbuttoning in and slowly slide it off. Her undershirt is sticking to her skin.
“Arms up, love,” I whisper and while her eyes still look out of focus, like she’s not completely here with me, she raises her arms. The undershirt is harder to remove than the chef’s jacket because it’s sticking to her skin but I get it off. Now she’s in her slacks and a light pink bra. “I’m going to take off your bra now,” I tell her softly. “But I promise I won’t look.”
She merely nods as my fingers find the bra hooks and I unhook them. I keep my eyes on her face as the fabric slips off her body and I wrap the towel around her shoulders to quickly dry her off before pulling on my hoodie without glancing at her chest.
“Time for your pants,” I say. She’s shaking now and I need to get her under the covers as soon as possible. “Lift your hips for me?” She falls back onto the bed and raises her hips. I slide herpants down. Her underwear is soaked and freezing but I don’t know if I can strip her bare in this condition.
“You’re thinking too much, help me change,” she says softly. “I’m so cold. I can’t do it myself.”
I nod once, even though she can’t see me and snap my eyes shut as I slide her underwear off her body. Somehow, she helps me dry off her legs and I only look at her ankles to get her sweats on then close my eyes again as I pull them up the rest of the way. Once she is fully clothed and her wet clothes are on the floor, I throw back the covers and pull her into my arms and wrap the blankets around us like a cocoon.
“I didn’t look,” I tell her as she trembles with cold against me.
