Page 35 of Begin Again
“Ready,” I say, because what else am I supposed to say? I’m the one who suggested we do this in the first place. He slides my hand into his as we walk through the doors of the courthouse.
I look at him in surprise.
“They aren’t going to believe us if we aren’t even touching,” he whispers as we follow the signs to where we need to go to get a marriage certificate. I am fairly certain that the people here don’t care at all whether we’re holding hands or not, but I don’t let go. I ignore the pulse of electricity that hums through my body at our interconnected hands. This doesn’t mean anything,I try to tell my body. This is a purely platonic marriage. I have to remember that.
“We’re here to get a marriage license and get married today.” Sam grins at the older woman behind the desk.
She doesn’t even look up. “First door on your left, they’ll get you all sorted.”
He leads us into the next room where we’re given all the paperwork we need to get our marriage license. They make copies of all our legal documents then lead us to a waiting area after giving us the document.
“There are no scheduled weddings today,” a man in a gray suit informs us. “So I expect they’ll get you in soon. Did you bring your own witnesses?”
Sam leans close to me and leaves a feather light touch with his lips against my cheek. It’s a whisper of a kiss and I have to ignore the sudden urge to pull him in and kiss him for real. I can’t let my actual feelings get involved in this marriage. That would be disastrous for both of us. “We didn’t think that far ahead,” he tells the man, his eyes never leaving me.
“That’s fine. We have people who can assist. Congratulations.”
“Thanks,” Sam murmurs. He’s looking at me like he’s really in love with me and can show it for the first time ever. Like we’re so in love that we had to come to the courthouse today because waiting any longer would have been unbearable.
The man returns to his desk and Sam straightens himself, as if the way he was just looking at me didn’t even happen.
“You’d be good at fake dating,” I whisper.
He looks at me out of the corner of his eye.
“You’re acting like you’re in love with me,” I say the words, but we both know that he isn’t acting. He’s never acted when it came to me, that’s why we didn’t talk much while I was with Mitch, it hurt too much. It’s also why I have to put on thebest performance of my life. Feelings complicate everything.Myfeelings will complicate everything.
“Who’s to say that I’m not?” He sighs and looks down at the floor. Before I can respond, tell him that maybe this is a bad idea and I don’t actually want to break his heart when all of this is over, the judge appears and invites us to follow him. There are two older women—probably in their eighties—who are going to be our witnesses. One of them smiles at us as we take our places. I glance away, shifting under their gazes.
His eyes capture mine and he gives me an encouraging smile. I can do this. Iwantto do this.
I barely focus on what the judge is saying throughout the ceremony. Sam watches me carefully the entire time, my hands in his.
“Do you Annie Mae Jones take Sam Holland to be your husband?” the judge asks me. This is it.
“Yes,” I look at Sam, “I do.”
Sam swallows as he watches me and the judge asks him if he’ll take me to be his wife. “I do.” His voice is low and gravely.
I lick my lips and he watches every movement. I never imagined any type of wedding for myself, but I think if I had imagined it, it would have been like this, no frills and fanfare. Just us.
“Congratulations,” the judge says, breaking my thoughts. “Mary will help you finish up the paperwork. You may now kiss the bride to end the ceremony.”
18
SAM
June 2023-Annie is 27, Sam is 28
Annie doesn’t blink as she looks at me and I’m not sure what she’s thinking. It’s not like we haven’t kissed before, we’ve kissed in the past. But this feels different because it is different. This will be our first kiss as husband and wife.
I swallow thickly as I lean in close to her and she shivers when my lips brush her ear. “We don’t have to kiss if you don’t want to.”
“It's fine,” she says, her voice a little bit breathless. Maybe she isn't as unaffected by all of this as she lets on. Maybe, she’s not been completely truthful about her feelings. But I don’t let myself cling to that hope, I need to remind myself exactly why she’s marrying me and not expect anything more. I can’t let myself want anything more or else I’ll just be setting myself up for heartbreak.
I move slightly and Annie turns to me, our noses brush. She lets out a nervous laugh.
My heart thunders in my chest. Is she nervous because she has feelings for me?
