Page 27 of Begin Again
So I keep doing risky tricks.
I clench my jaw shut. I have to stop thinking about her because pining after her like this isn’t helping me at all.
Camping with Noah wasn’t supposed to be risky. It’s my week off. It was supposed to be fun. Just two friends drinking alittle bit too much and drowning our sorrows, while ignoring the sorrows that even exist. It wasn’t supposed to end up with us in the hospital.
It takes a few minutes after I knock on the door of my parents’ house for a light to turn on and the door to swing open. Which, I should have expected since it’s the middle of the night.
“Sam!” My mom gives me a giant hug. “What a surprise. What brings you here?” she asks as welcomes me into the house that I can’t believe my parents still live in. After moving around for so many years my parents finally settled in a small farming town. They still love it nearly twelve years later. “I thought you were camping.”
I wince a little as she lets me go, my broken rib screaming in pain. “There was a fire,” I tell her, which is the least bad thing of our night. “So we came home.” It’s easier to tell her that than to tell her the whole truth. I don’t exactly need my Mom worrying about my hurting ribs.
“I’m sorry. I know you were looking forward to it,” Mom says. I’m exhausted from not sleeping most of the night, but I still follow her into the kitchen and accept a cup of tea.
“How are you?” Mom asks me and I give her my easygoing smile. At this point, I’m a pro at smiling at telling everyone that everything is good.
“Good, good. Things with the channel are great and in a couple of weeks I’ll be heading to Europe again for the next year.”
Mom frowns. “I wish you could do more of your backpacking trips here in America so we could at least see you once in a while.”
I keep going to other countries because I can’t risk running into Annie, and that will happen if I’m too close to New York. I’ll go back. She’s like a magnet, always pulling me to her.
“Maybe you and Dad could come out for Christmas. I’ll pay for the trip.” I rush to add before Mom complains about the expense of a trip to Europe.
“We’d like that,” she tells me and she squeezes my hand. She then gets the look on her face and I know she’s about to ask me about my love life and I’m not sure I can handle that right now.
“Well, I’m really tired, I think I’m going to get some sleep and we can talk more later.”
“Alright.” Mom gives me a sad smile like she knew that this was coming. I nod once and head down the hall to my room.
Opening the door and stepping inside feels a little bit like stepping back in time. The room is the same as it was when I was in high school. There’s a picture of Annie and I on my nightstand which I move so it’s facing down. Lying on the bed I stare up at the ceiling, memories flooding my mind of Annie sneaking into my room for the first time when her mom’s boyfriend was being a creep. That was the only time I slept with her in my arms.
I turn on my side, pushing the memories out of my mind. I’ve got to move on. I never did understand why Noah wallowed so much about the girl he met one time, but I guess I get it a little bit because I’ve spent the past few years of my life wallowing about Annie. It’s time for me to grow up, to get serious. To find someone I can build a family with, make new memories with, someone who will actually love me back.
14
ANNIE
August 2022 - Annie is 26, Sam is 28
Work is good. Work is great. I’m the head chef of Austen’s—finally—and I should feel amazing, but instead, I feel empty. I go through all of the motions tonight, waiting for the moment I can head home and watch reality cooking shows.
Cooking has always brought me so much joy, but tonight all I can think about is my relationship that is the exact opposite of a fairytale.
Mitch and I have been off and on again for the past year. He’s like a drug I can’t seem to quit. It doesn’t matter what he does—the bad things—his stupid smile and charming, charismatic eyes always seem to bring me back. That and his subtle manipulation. I can see how he gets me everytime, but it’s been almost a year since he last hit me, so things are going better. He really is changing. At least, that’s what I tell myself even as I flinch every time I see his eyes get dark and angry. But the only thing he’s hit me with within the past year has been his words. For now, I can live with that.
Plus, it helps that he’s not at Austen’s much these days. For the past two months, he’s been working with contractors to get his next restaurant up and running. His days are full of paperwork and blueprints while mine are full of cooking the sauce the duck sits in and having customers tell me they’d like to bathe in it.
I should be on cloud nine, but I’m not.
Plus, my phone is burning a hole in my bag.
“What’s with you today?” Chiara asks while we clean up the kitchen after closing.
“Nothing,” I tell her. But the truth is, for the first time in over a year and a half, Sam texted me. I don’t know what it said. I’d just clocked in and was putting my phone in my bag when I saw the notification so I’ve been wondering what he said for the past eight hours.
“Okay, weirdo.”
I give her a nod, as I head out into the smoggy summer air. Instead of heading to Mitch’s place where I’ve been living for the better part of two years, I turn right and head to Noah and Sam’s place. I know Sam is somewhere out of the country, at least I think he is, and Noah is visiting our Mom. I want to be alone though, when I read Sam’s texts. It’s been a long time since Mitch picked a fight about Sam, since Sam and I don’t talk much these days.
