Page 23 of Begin Again
“It’s the perfect plan.”
I hear screaming in the background—she’s got a two year old and a husband. She’s got a life I’ve never even let myself want. “I’ve got to go, you’ll keep me posted about how the job goes though?”
“Yup, talk to you later.” I hang up the phone and stare at the screen. “Perfect,” I tell myself. A new crush. Someone to focus on so I can just be friends with Sam like we’ve always been.
11
SAM
November 2019 - Sam is 25, Annie is 23
“It’s either her or me,” Christina yells. We’ve been arguing about this for weeks. I’ve been back in New York for three months—with Christina—and I haven’t seen Annie at all. She doesn’t even know I’m back in the States. We haven’t celebrated her new job, and I hate that. But Christina thinks it’s weird that I want to take Annie out to celebrate. I invited her to come with us, but she just said I was choosing Annie over her.
But Annie is my best friend.
My girlfriend doesn’t like that.
“I’m so sorry,” I say and she glares at me, this isn’t how I wanted things to end, but once again, my relationship is coming to an end. I can’t get any relationship to stick, no matter how hard I try. There’s only one Annie. Maybe it’s time to finally admit that, and be okay with whatever it is she will give me. Even if all I get is to be her friend, I’d still choose that over any relationship.
She throws a flip flop in my direction and misses by a few inches. “Do you love her?”
“In some way, yeah,” I say because it’s the truth. I do love Annie, she means the world to me. We may only be friends, but I’ll always love her.
She throws her hands up in the air. “I can’t believe I uprooted my life for you.”
“Technically, I did tell you that you probably wouldn’t like my lifestyle.” A flip flop hits me square in the chest. “I deserve that.”
“You do.” Christina isn’t a weepy person, she’s all fire and rough edges. But I haven’t seen this side of her. She’s angry and about to throw a fit. She’s like other women I’ve met and dated while traveling—she wants to be on the move. I warned her we’d be in New York for a few months, at least, and she assured me it would be fine. I even told her about Noah and Annie, but she can’t seem to see that I’m friends with Annie and could still be with her.
I stand in silence as I watch Christina pack up the rest of her things. She gives me one last glance before leaving the room.
“I hope she’s worth it,” she yells over her shoulder, and then I’m alone.
I pull out my phone to text Annie, asking if she has time to come over later. Maybe we can finally celebrate and I’ll tell her the truth, that my feelings aren’t ever going away. She texts back almost immediately.
Annie
What! You’re back in the city and you didn’t tell me?!
I can come over around seven.
I’ll explain everything later. See you then.
Part of me hates that we no longer share an apartment, but I’m so proud of Annie for making her own way and living on her own. Plus, it gives me two hours to get her flowers and shower before she comes over. I can’t wait to hear more about what it’s been like to work in the restaurant. She’s texted a little about it but we haven’t talked on the phone as much or in person, and I know it’s my fault.
Maybe it’s time to tell her how I really feel. I pick up a bouquet of peonies from a little shop around the corner, and put them in a fresh vase on the counter before I shower.
The hot water hits my shoulders and I start to relax. Before, when I told a woman that I was interested in her, I felt nervous. But telling Annie that I love her? That feels as natural as breathing.
I pull my still damp hair into a short man bun as I hear a soft knock on the door just before a key slides into the lock and unlocks the door. Annie runs straight to me and I pick her up and spin us around as we hug.
“You’re back!” Annie grins up at me as I set her down and release her. “It feels like it’s been so long.”
I’ve been back for three months, but I didn’t tell Annie I was back in the city. I know part of it is because of Christina, but if I’m being honest with myself I knew that if I saw Annie again I’d fall even more in love with her, and that wouldn’t have been fair to Christina.
“It was my longest trip. Six months,” I tell her. This part is true, but all of my timing is messed up. I often travel and then while I’m back home, my videos are going up on YouTube for weeks after I’ve been back so my followers don’t actually knowwhere I am. There are too many weird people, this is a way that keeps me and my team safe.
Annie nods. “I know, I’ve been watching all of your vlogs. What have you been up to? I know you’ve been doing shorter trips and things, but didn’t you finish your backpacking trip ages ago?”
