Page 20 of Begin Again
This past week was the first time I ever left Colorado. We hit a few famous stops on the way from Colorado to New York, including some food pit stops that were onDiners, Drive-Ins, and Divesjust so I could say that I finally tried it. But I can’t imagine what it would be like to go to Japan. I’ve never even been on an airplane.
“Right.” He smiles. “I’ll be there for two weeks, then I’ve got a few trips on the East Coast planned for this fall. I’ve heard it’s beautiful here.”
“Cool,” I say. I’ll mostly be busy with school and work—once I get a job—that I probably won’t see him all that much, even though we’ll be living together.
I lean back in my chair, the exhaustion of all the travel hitting me and we fall into a comfortable silence until our food arrives and it looks even more amazing than I could have ever imagined. The first bite of duck melts in my mouth. And Sam moans in pleasure as he eats his prime rib. “I think you have to work here someday, just so I can come and eat this good food that was made by you.”
“I could just learn how to make this food,” I tell him.
“If you do, I’ll think I died and went to heaven. This is freaking amazing.”
I smile, happy to have converted him into a food lover. There’s just something incredible about food that is made with love and that is delicious.
“I don’t think I need to eat for a week,” I say as we step out into the New York summer heat. “That was so amazing.”
“Agreed,” Sam murmurs. “I’m so full but I could not stop eating. Where to next?”
We end up back in the truck, since there’s only two-hour parking at the restaurant and drive slowly through the city toward Central Park. A New York staple.
“This is incredible! I can’t believe we’re actually here,” I say for the millionth time as we take a walk around the park. We walk near the carousel and I take in all of it. It’s amazing out in the middle of a city there’s a park so big that it doesn’t even feel like I’m in the city now. I’ll have to come back for sure whenever I’m missing nature.
“I love how happy this makes you.” I turn to look at him, pausing in the middle of the path. Sam smiles. “Seeing you like this, you seem so alive, I love it.”
“I love it too,” I tell him. “But it’s not just the city. I’d be lying if I said the company didn’t have something to do with it.” I blurt out this last part and wish I could take back my words when Sam’s eyes turn soft and tender as he looks at me. They might be the truth, but there’s no future for us. I might feel something more than friendship for Sam, but I don’t date. And yet, I can’t seem to push him away either. I don’t want to push him away, I don’t want to keep him in the friend zone.
He takes a step closer to me. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” My breath hitches as Sam puts a hand on my waist and I watch as his eyes move to my lips.
“This okay?”
“Mhm.” My mind is screaming at me but I ignore it. I know I should put a stop to this, but what if this is my only chance to be kissed by Sam?
He leans in closer. “Still okay?” he asks and I can feel his breath on my face. He smells like cinnamon gum.
“Yes,” I breathe.
“Annie?” he asks and I’m slightly thrown by the use of my name and not him calling me sunshine, but I recover just in time for him to say, “I’m going to kiss you now.”
I nod and he closes the distance between us. I never let myself daydream of this because I knew nothing but a broken heart would come from daydreams, but now I wish I had spent some time thinking about what kissing Sam—or anyone for that matter—would be like. I just ate the best duck in my entire life and didn’t think life could get any better.
But I was wrong.
His lips are soft and warm and he wraps his arms around me as I kiss him back. The kiss is all him, soft and gentle. Tenderness in every touch. Full of hope and warmth and I want to melt into his lips. I pull back. We both blink in shock.
“I can’t,” I say suddenly. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have let him kiss me, his lips are going to haunt me for the rest of my life because I’m not the kind of girl that he wants to marry. I’m not the kind of person who gets married and with Sam, well, that’s where kissing will lead. “I can’t.”
“Come on, Annie,” he whispers, a fierce look in his eyes. “I know you feel something between us too.”
“We can’t,” I say again. “We’re going to be living together. I’m going to school. I don’t date.”
“We could be friends with benefits,” Sam says, but I can’t do that. He wants more, he wants everything. I can’t give that to him. I can’t give it to anyone. I won’t give it to anyone.
“I can’t,” I say as tears bubble up in my eyes. “I need you to date, to move on.”
“Annie…” His voice cracks.
“No,” I tell him, breaking eye contact before this completely rips me apart. I can’t see him look at me as I break his heart. As I break my own. “We won’t ever be more than friends.”
