Page 12 of Begin Again
He is risking a lot by doing this for me. I can’t imagine his parents would react well to know he’s inviting a girl into his bedroom while they’re asleep. But it’s my only option tonight.
Thanks. I have to wait till Mom is asleep, my window creaks too much.
I’ll be awake.
I pace my room, since reading a book will just be a distraction and I’ll lose track of time. I don’t want to keep Sam up too late if I can help it. It’s around ten when I finally hear Mom giggling as they walk past my room and into hers. The door shuts loudly and they turn on what I assume they think is romantic music. It just makes me want to barf.
I send a quick text to Noah so that he doesn’t check in on me when he gets off work at eleven because I’m tired and going to sleep. Most nights I’m still awake and reading when his shift ends and we talk for a bit when he gets home. But I don’t want him to freak out if he can’t get in my room, that’s the last thing I need.
Me
Going to sleep now, don’t worry about checking in on me. I’ll see you in the morning.
I slip my phone into the tiny pocket of my pajama bottoms and slide my window open as slowly as I can. It squeaks, just like I knew it would and I freeze, waiting for footsteps in the hall. But the house is full of Mom’s terrible music. I could probably walk out the back door and she wouldn’t notice, but I’m not going to risk it. I pop the screen out and climb out my window, grateful that we only have a one-story home. I close the window again, but not quite all the way so I’ll be able to open it in the morning and slide the screen back on before walking across the yard and into Sam’s yard.
His house is dark as I head to the back right window that’s his. The rest of his family must all be asleep already.
I tap once on the window pane and it’s as if he was waiting right there for me, the blinds slide up and I see him, backlit by the lamp that sits beside his bed. His window doesn’t squeak as he slides it open and pops out the screen. I don't say a word until I’m safely in the room.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Of course, Annie. Anytime,” he says and I notice he looks completely exhausted. He goes to bed much earlier than I do and he probably stayed up for me. “I have a queen bed,” he says awkwardly and I see his face turn pink in the dim light. “I mean. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. There isn’t room…for someone to sleep on the floor.”
“The bed is fine for both of us,” I hear myself say. I’ve suspected that Sam has some sort of feelings for me for a few weeks now, based on how he looks at me—like I’m the onlyperson in the world he wants to look at—and I don’t want to give him the wrong idea, but I can’t be home tonight.
He nods, one time before crawling onto the left side of the bed. I climb onto the right, placing my phone on the nightstand. “Thanks, again, Sam.”
“Anytime,” he says before he turns off the light.
We lie together in the bed in silence. I wait for my heart to start racing—I’m sleeping in a bed next to a boy—but it doesn’t. Sleep doesn’t come either, so I try to focus on Sam’s steady breathing, but instead, my mind wanders to last night, the twisting of my bedroom door—which I always keep locked—just after midnight.
“Annie?” Sam whispers, breaking up my memories.
“Yeah?” I breathe back.
“You’re shaking.”
I honestly hadn’t even noticed. I’m not sure who moves first, me or him, but one second I’m on my side of the bed shaking, and the next Sam is pulling me against him. His arms go around me, pulling me into a tight hug. My back against his chest. I feel his steady breath against my back as my body starts to relax and the fear eases from me.
“Thank you,” I whisper again as I snuggle closer to him. I know I shouldn’t encourage his feelings, but to be held like this? It’s the best I’ve felt in a long time. “You make me feel safe.”
“I’m glad,” he whispers against my hair. He’s got an arm over my chest, his hand clutching my shoulder, keeping me against him. Our legs are close, but not touching. I close my eyes, feeling calm for the first time all day.
“Annie?” he asks a few minutes later.
“Yeah?”
“You’re like sunshine, don’t let anyone ever dim that light.”
I blink my sleepy eyes, trying to not fall asleep. “Hmm?”
His voice is soft and low as he whispers in my ear, “You just keep showing up every day with a smile on your face, even when things are crappy. I really admire that. You inspire me. You’re my sunshine.”
I nod in response. Sleep is coming fast now and I don’t really have time to process the words he just said. I have never felt so secure and safe as I’ve fallen asleep and I can’t seem to fight it. When I’m on the edge of consciousness, I feel Sam shift, pulling me closer. And I know it’s only my imagination when I feel his lips press against my hair.
6
SAM
