Page 65 of The Luck of Finding You
I miss Mom. I ache for her to be here with me. I wish more than anything that I could be sharing this moment with her. She would have loved coming to something like this. When we were growing up, she would take us to any author events that our local library hosted. There weren’t very many, but it was always a thrill to be there with her.
My eyes unwillingly fill with tears. I’m tempted to bolt, to text Noah and tell him being here was too much and then call Holly so we can talk about Mom and cry. It’s been a long time since we’ve done that, too long. What I need right now is a good, long cry. My soul needs to do that, to call Holly and go over my memories of Mom, making her feel more alive, even though I can’t see her again.
“Are you okay?”
I blink away my tears and see an insanely gorgeous man standing in front of me. Could this be Mo?
I shake my head, then let out a little laugh. So much for first impressions. “Got in my head for a second there, but I’m okay.”
The man smiles at me.
“Are you Mo?” I blurt out the question like I’m a dog who just saw a squirrel.
The man’s charming smile slips a little.
“No. I’m Chase.” His voice is deep and rich and my heart sinks. “Are you waiting for someone?” The stunning smile is back.
“Yeah, I am.” As good-looking as this guy is, I don’t need any more men in my life.
“Well, I hope they come.” Chase waves before heading into the main room.
A minute later, they shut the doors. Just like the security guard promised.
I tap my foot as I look around the lobby area one more time. Besides the security guard and an older woman, it’s completely empty. I bite my lip. No matter how I feel, I am not going to cry. Not about my mom being gone, I can do that later. And most certainly not about Mo standing me up. I’ll go in and find Noah, and we can meet Simone and then make out all night. That might technically be using him to eat away the consuming embarrassment that’s building in my chest, but maybe he won’t mind. Maybe he’ll be ready and willing to comfort me, and when we get back to Provo, we can give us a shot. Because despite everything, I really would like to give us a shot.
I slip into the room, still trying to hold my composure. I scan the back of heads and realize there are a lot more people here than I thought there would be. I pull out my phone as the moderator gets up to introduce Simone and text Noah.
Where are you sitting? Could you wave or something?
He leaves me on delivered. He must not be looking for his phone. But he’s got to be looking for me, right? Waiting to see who I come in with?
“Ma’am, you need to find a seat,” a woman standing near the door tells me.
“My friend saved one for me, I’m just looking for him,” I tell her. People are clapping and I watch as Simone takes the stage.
“You need to sit down,” the lady tells me again. “If you need help, I can direct you to a seat."
“I’m fine,” I say, because she’s only making this worse. Humiliation is taking over and I’m blinking back tears again. “You can do this, Tally,” I whisper to myself, wishing it could give me the confidence I pretend to have most of the time. It doesn’t work and I feel the same.
The door opens behind me. I turn, hoping to see Mo walking in with some explanation, but it’s a group of teenage girls. The woman moves to help them find seats. Which gives me another moment to scan the room. I try to find Noah’s wavy dark-blond hair, but I can’t see it. There are too many people.
I find a single chair in the last row; I’ll find Noah afterward. It’s better this way—I don’t have to sit next to him pretending everything is fine. I don’t have to tell him right this second that I got stood up, which is good because I think if I had to tell him that right now, I would actually cry and he’d probably insist we leave, which would be so sad if we missed this. Not that I’ve heard a single word that Simone has said in the last five minutes.
I have an hour or so to let some of the embarrassment settle, if it ever will, and to figure out what I’m going to say to Noah.
My heart physically aches. Simone says something and everyone laughs, but the world around me is muted, like it isn’t as bright as it was a few minutes ago.
He changed his mind. He saw me, and he changed his mind and left.
The thought slams into me, and it’s the one that makes the first tear fall. I try to wipe it away discreetly, but it doesn’t matter; my eyes are like a river now. I couldn’t stop the tears if I tried.
Simone’s talking about why she did a surprise release as I pop up out of my seat. Thankfully, I’m in the last row, so only a handful of people notice as I make my way out and through the door. I skip the elevator and hurry down the stairs that I saw while I was waiting for Mo. Tears stream down my face the entire time. I can’t get out of there fast enough.
24
NOAH
If I weren’t so irritated about being locked in a bathroom without my phone, I probably would have fallen asleep from boredom. I tried meditating, but that is not something that’s for me. I also tried counting, but once I hit nine hundred I stopped because it was too discouraging. Reading Simone’s new book is an option I considered. But because I tend to zone out when I read, not picking it up seems like the best option here.
