Page 60 of The Luck of Finding You
I am not as confident as I sound.
Noah nods. “Okay.”
“You think this is a terrible idea.” It’s not a question, even though I want to know his answer.
“I like you, Tally,” Noah says, and there’s a burning in my belly. “I think you’re beautiful and strong and absolutely incredible. You don’t laugh often, but when you do, man, it lights me up inside, so I keep trying to find new ways to get you to laugh or even just smile. I like you a lot. You know that—I haven’t tried to keep my feelings for you a secret. So while I don’t love the idea of you going off to meet another guy, if it’s what you want to do, I’ll support you in that.”
Does he really support me, or is he only telling me that to ease my anxiety?
“You don’t have to respond to that.” Noah chuckles. “I just wanted to tell you that yeah, I like you. I like spending time with you. And it’s probably not the greatest idea to have me help you get ready to meet this other guy, since I’m already a tad bit jealous.”
Where is all this honesty coming from? Why now? I can’t help but wonder, but I don’t ask. Instead, I just sit there, staring at him as if he just confessed that he was in love with the Queen of England and not that he likes me.
My heart picks up a notch at the thought, even though I have had this information for a week now. Even though he told me just the other day that helovedme all those years ago. There’s still something here between us, but I already agreed to meet Mo and I always follow through.
“You were the one who suggested helping me.” I frown at him. “Why would you do that if you’re jealous?”
Noah runs a hand through his hair, a habit that I didn’t realize he had until this trip, but now I remember him doing it over and over at the bookstore. He seems frustrated with himself. “I just. I don’t know. But give me a chance if things don’t work out with this guy?”
My heart twists. He can’t ask that of me, can he? It feels like if I answer, that means I’m putting him second, like he’s just my backup plan, which doesn’t feel fair to him. But if I don’t answer, that will hurt him too. So I say, “Okay.”
“Okay.” There’s something real and raw and a lot like hurt in Noah’s eyes. He blinks and it’s gone. “We could practice your kissing skills.”
The room shrinks. We’re back to the teasing and flirting.
“I think you just want to kiss me,” I say, even though my mind is swirling from the emotional whiplash I’ve had all week.
“I definitely won’t disagree with that.” Noah smiles at me and I’m a goner. I mean, when a man like Noah comes into your life, you keep him, right? If he keeps staring at me like this, I’m going to lose all my resolve.
“I haven’t kissed anyone in a while.” Apparently, I’ve already lost all my resolve. “I mean, besides you last week. It had been a long time before that.”
Noah shifts, and then he’s sitting on my bed, a foot away from me.
“Practice would be good, then?” he says slowly. He moves his hand, almost as if he’s afraid to touch me, but his fingers graze my face as he pushes my hair behind my ear. He just told me that he wanted me to give Mo a chance and then him a chance if Mo didn’t work out, and now he’s making a move on me?
No wonder my heart is a complete mess.
“Yeah.” It comes out all breathy, and I don’t know what just happened, but I’ve completely lost my grip on reality. Maybe I really do just want Noah to kiss me again. I tilt my head, angling it toward him.
After tonight, there may not be any more of this. I know deep down that what I have with Mo is real, and yeah, if he ever finds out that I kissed another guy hours before meeting him, it would probably crush him. But I may also never get a chance to kiss Noah again. Because if I do get together with Mo, I’ve got to stop daydreaming about Noah forever.
A face pops into my mind as my eyes flutter closed. Mo’s face. I open my eyes wide, realizing I’ve always given Mo Noah’s face, just with darker hair. But the face I’ve always imagined was Noah, especially since he started working at the shop.
Noah’s leaning toward me—he’s watching my every move, but I’m a statue. He gets half an inch away. I can feel the heat from his lips.
“I want to kiss you, Tally,” Noah says. “But I’m not going to unless you say it’s okay.”
We’re frozen.
“I want you too,” I whisper. I’m surprised by the tears springing to my eyes.
Noah eases back. “But?”
“But it wouldn’t be fair to you.” I look down at my hands. “Or to Mo.” Or me. But I don’t say that, because that thought seems selfish.
Noah reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “I hope he’s good to you” is all he says, then he leans forward, his fingers sliding into my hairline at the base of my neck, and tenderly presses his lips against my forehead. Tears stream down my face as he lingers there, longer than a brotherly kiss. After everything he just said, there’s too much emotion in this.
He eases away far too soon, looking into my eyes. He brushes away my tears with his thumb. He gives me a half-hearted smile and my heart cracks into a million pieces.
