Page 6 of The Luck of Finding You
Her eyes glint when she looks at me again, and all I know is that if I do end up with The Book Shop, I’ll take it, no questions asked, just so I can be in the same state as Tally.
“I did hate you for a while,” she says, and I gulp. “Probably for all of the reasons you think but also because at some point that day you told me the cliff-hanger would kill me, which it did. But even more so because I’d been anticipating it. This is why I don’t like reading the same books as people or for people to tell me things like that. Total spoiler. I was furious.”
I bite my lip to hold back a smile.
“But yeah, I saw the news. And I’ve read all the books so far, so you can’t spoil them for me again.”
I hold up my hands in mock surrender. “I wouldn’t dare. Did you see she’ll be down in St. George?”
Tally’s eyes narrow again. “Yeah. Why would you know about that?”
“After I’m here, I’ll be heading to my mom’s in Colorado for a few weeks. It’s the closest event, so I bought a ticket.” I’m not convinced that telling her any of this will help at all, and I don’t know why I’m sharing this information with her anyway. I don’t tell many people outside of my circle things this personal, but for some reason I want to tell her.
“Well, maybe I’ll run into you there,” Tally says, surprising me. Then her phone beeps on the table. “Shoot!” She grabs her uneaten sandwich and purse. “I have to go.”
“Big date?” I say it jokingly, but really, I want to know if she’s single or not.
Tally smirks. “Something like that.” I groan inwardly as she uses my line against me. “And see how easy it was for me to tell you I have to leave instead of just running away?”
The jab stings, and the only thing I can do is hope for her to forgive me someday.
She walks away before I can say anything else. I watch her leave, and once outside, she turns left toward The Book Shop and then disappears from view. I’m left feeling like I just let her walk away. Last time I did the walking away and regretted it for weeks. Months. Years. Still.
I don’t jump up to go after her, even though I should. Instead, I choke down my sandwich, not because it’s not good but because my stomach is rolling. Seeing Tally threw me for a loop. A loop I don’t think I’ll be able to get out of. Ever.
Tossing half of my sandwich in the trash, I head outside and walk in the direction of the hotel. I walk past The Book Shop on my way back to the hotel. I should go into the store, maybe warn the manager what’s about to happen, that I hope they’ll be able to keep their job, but I don’t know yet because I don’t know them. Instead, I stuff my hands in my pockets and keep walking, reminding myself that I can deal with the manager of The Book Shop once the meeting is over.
3
TALLY
I’m reeling as I drop my uneaten lunch off at The Book Shop. I sink into the uncomfortable office chair, giving myself a minute before I head out to the meeting.
My mind drifts back to the past several years of my life. Starting with the moment Noah sat across from me at the café and leading up to this point. Two months after that day with Noah, Mom died in a tragic car accident and I became a ghost of a person. I worked hard in college and graduated with honors, but it’s mostly all a blur. I threw myself into my blog and into reading more than ever. It was both healing and a way of grieving. With every new book I picked up, it was another that I could fall in love with, but one that Mom would never be able to read.
There was no dating. Holly was worried about me, which kind of still makes me laugh because she’s almost thirty and has never even kissed a guy. But she was concerned, and rightly so. I went from being obsessed with guys and fantasizing about marriage after every date to dropping out of the dating game altogether shortly after Mom died. I jumped back in a year later, only to completely walk away from love shortly after that.
My experience in love might be limited, but it always seems to end the same—in the fact that it always ends.
Guys cheat or walk away.
Parents die.
I swore off all guys, and because Sarah had been my only close friend, it made it easy not to get close to anyone who wasn’t family.
Holly didn’t get it because she was already in California and didn’t have to see Dad every single day for years after Mom was gone. He was a wreck. Why on earth would I want to do that to myself? I mean, yeah, I love reading romance novels even if I know that happily ever after, the kind that lasts a lifetime, doesn’t actually exist. Something bright and shiny that we should chase while reality is much dimmer.
No, I haven’t told Holly some of these views because I think it would make her sad. Or she’d try to fix me, tell me that I should be more positive like I used to be. I just don’t know how to be that person anymore. The one who looks at the bright side of things, who daydreams about the future or what could be. I still daydream, but it’s not like before. I don’t think anything will be like it was before.
Nothing has been the same since Mom died. I can’t go back to that person; I don’t want to.
For a moment though, I focus on this fact. The Book Shop has been my constant for the past five years, and no matter what happens today, I will make sure it stays that way.
“Good luck!” Olivia calls as I hurry through the store and out the front door. I have the sudden urge to turn right back around and tell her that I just saw Noah—theNoah—the one who broke my heart and made me swear off dating for, well, forever and who now has my mind whirling. I’ve heard her give advice to weepy women who come in for some book therapy, but I don’t have the time today. Instead, I square my shoulders and walk briskly down the sidewalk, hoping to find some comfort in the sound my heels make as they hit the pavement, but right now it does nothing to calm my nerves.
“Breathe. Just breathe,” I tell myself. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize why people with anxiety say that telling them to breathe never works. Because I am not calm. I am still very much freaking out, and telling myself to breathe is only making me annoyed.
Sure, I’m super nervous about what Marsha’s will is going to say, but I just ran into Noah. HIM.
