Page 53 of The Luck of Finding You
I eat a few more fries before answering. “This one is tough. Not because I don’t have someone like that, but because I have two. My younger sister, Annie, is the first. I know a lot of siblings don’t always get along, but we’ve always been pretty close. I swear she knows me better than I know myself sometimes.”
“I feel that way about Holly too,” Tally says. “And the other person?”
I think about Sam, how he might not always answer his phone, but as soon as he knows what’s going on, he comes running in to save the day. “My buddy Sam. I’d trust him with my life. You remember our camping trip?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever forget about the time you almost died,” Tally murmurs, and I wonder if she’s grateful that I’m still here, like I am. “And I guess I sort of answered that already. Holly, my sister. I don’t have that many people that I’m close to that I’m also not related to.”
“How come?” Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she seems to push every single person away. Olivia and I are already what I would consider to be pretty good friends, but when I see Olivia and Tally together, I see how Tally puts up the same walls she puts up around me. At first it made me feel better, knowing that I wasn’t the only one who she keeps out. Then it made my heart break, because, yeah, people can hurt you, but there’s also a lot of joy that enters your life when you let someone in.
“I don’t know.” Tally sighs. “Or maybe I do. I have always been the quiet, bookish girl. I’d rather stay home and read a book than go out with friends. I had some close-ish friends in high school, but I don’t think I’ve talked to any of them in at least three years. After my mom died, everything sort of shifted. I was suddenly the nerdy bookworm girl who also had a dead mom. I don’t think people at school knew what to say to me. And in college I lived at home and kind of stuck to myself. Marsha was the closest thing I’ve had to a real friend in a long time. The ladies from book club I guess I’d call friends. I see them a few times a month, but I don’t think I’d trust them with my life.”
“That sounds kind of lonely.” In nearly every city I’ve been in, I always have guys I can call and go out with if I want to on a Friday night. I haven’t found anyone here beyond Tally and Olivia, mainly because my focus has been the bookstore, but it’s kind of killing me.
Everyone needs some good friends.
Tally laughs, but I don’t think that she thinks this is funny. It’s another way of her putting up a wall. “It is pretty lonely. The funny thing is, I really like having friends. Even though most nights I’d prefer to stay home and read, if I don’t have some form of human interaction every day, I go a little nuts. I loved it when Olivia started working at the shop, even though I don’t know if we’d be considered friends.”
Yeah, I want to say,because you don’t ever ask anything about her. Do you know that she’s lonely too? And would love to hang out withyou after work? But Tally doesn’t know because she hasn’t asked, and Olivia can feel the wall between them just like I can.
“When Gran goes out of town, I don’t know what to do with myself in the evenings. I just don’t feel like I fit anywhere, which is why making friends is hard. I don’t know. Now I’m just rambling.” Tally trails off.
“Rambling is fine.” What I want to add is that maybe she fits right here, right with me, with Olivia and her family and the book club ladies. That maybe she doesn’t need to fit anywhere else. She seemed so self-assured and fine with her life when I first got to Utah, but now that I’ve been getting to know her, it makes me want to try harder to show her that loving people, whether a friendship kind of love or something more, doesn’t have to be scary.
“I’m embarrassed I shared all that. I trust Holly the most,” she says, and I know the game is over, or at least she’s ready to be done.
“Would you rather have a million dollars right now or get that money over time?” I ask just to keep her talking.
“That’s a dumb question.” Even in the dark, I picture her crinkling her nose.
“What’s your answer?” I prod.
“Over time, I guess. I don’t know what I’d do with that kind of money.”
“I’d buy a boat,” I say confidently. A few years ago I got it in my head that someday I’d be the kind of guy who had a boat and took it to lakes on weekends with my family.
“A boat?” Tally asks. “What is it with guys and boats?”
“They’re cool,” I say, suddenly defensive. “It’s not like I want it as a way to show off any money I have; I just think they’re cool.”
“If you like getting seasick, sure. Sounds super cool,” Tally says, and suddenly my dream of going boating on the weekends vanishes. I’ll find another dream, one that fits with Tally.
“Okay, no boat. What would you buy?” I ask, suddenly hyper aware that I want to know what her answer is.
Tally’s quiet for a minute. “I’d buy a plane ticket. To Scotland. Mom always wanted to go, but she never got to before she died.”
Now my boat answer really does sound dumb. I already knew this too because she told me as Nora.
“Scotland is amazing in the winter.” I grin. “And the summer.”
“YOU’VE BEEN!?” Tally shrieks so loud, I’m positive she’s burst one of my eardrums.
“Yeah, twice.” I rub my ear. “My buddy Sam? He’s a traveling YouTuber. I went with him a few years back.”
“That is so cool.” I see Tally cross her arms over her chest. “I am really trying not to hate you right now, but I kind of totally do.”
“You should definitely get the ticket.”
“I can’t exactly go to Scotland this year,” she says quietly.
