Page 46 of The Luck of Finding You
I don’t know how long I sit on the couch, thinking about my conversation with Nora and all the interactions I’ve had with Tally, but when I get up, my body is stiff from sitting in the same position. I stretch my arms high above my head and grab my phone to text Tally.
Hey, Tally. I wanted to say how sorry I am about last night, about how things ended. I can be your friend, if that’s what you still want.
It’s not what I want, not now that I’ve realized I’m in love with her, that I’ve been in love with her this whole time. But if I can’t be with her, I’ll make myself be okay with only being friends with her.
I look down at Mo, who’s been sleeping on the couch. He doesn’t move as he blinks up at me. I tell him my plan, even if it’s not my best. “I’m going to show up at the event as Mo. I’m going to do exactly what I planned on doing before I knew that Tally was Nora. It’ll be fine. I have a terrible poker face, so I’ll have to tell her the truth, that I figured it out this week, but it’ll be fine. Totally fine.”
18
TALLY
We’ve settled into a normal rhythm at the shop. And by normal, I mean I’ve been leaving as soon as Olivia gets in at two and avoiding Noah as much as possible. It’s Wednesday and I haven’t seen him since Friday night, even though Gran invited him over for dinner again on Sunday. I pretended I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t come out of my room the whole time he was there.
Which made Dad concerned. He came down and talked to me after, asking three times if I was upset about him and Beth getting married. I told him no, even though it does bug me that he still hasn’t told Holly. I’ve known for over a week and he still hasn’t told her, not that he hasn’t tried. He’s called her three times and she hasn’t answered.
When I asked her about it, she told me that she’s been working on a new art piece, and when that happens, everyone gets shut out except for me, but Dad wants to be the one to tell her. It’s killing me that I know and she doesn’t and we can’t talk about it. I have no idea what she’s thinking or feeling about the entire thing because she doesn’t know about it yet.
I skipped our Sunday family dinner because Noah was there, and after our kiss and my lie about liking someone else, I couldn’t face him. He apologized on Saturday and said we could be friends, that he would be okay with being friends. I’m just not sure that’s what I want because I have no clue what I actually want.
This whole situation is the reason why I don’t date. Once something more happens than the initial “I like you,” things always go south, at least they have for me. Things get serious. I jump in too fast and then the guy always leaves. I’ve had history repeat itself one too many times.
“You all right?” I look up to find Olivia standing in front of me, a lollipop in her hand. I must have zoned out. I didn’t even hear her come in.
“Yeah, fine.”
“Noah showed me what he was working on for our website last night. I think it’ll help our sales out a lot.” Olivia sits on the stool beside me behind the checkout counter. “And I know you don’t really want to talk about him, but he talked about you.”
I sit up straighter at this information. “What did he say?”
“He mostly was asking how you’re doing because he hasn’t seen you since you left his apartment on Friday night. Which you haven’t told me about yet.”
I groan. Of course Noah would mention it.
“It wasn’t like he brought it up on purpose, but you didn’t work last Friday, so I asked when he’d seen you that day.” Olivia licks her lollipop. “But I am very curious about what happened. Is that why you’ve been rushing out of here so fast every time I get here this week? He hasn’t even come down till almost five the past two days. He’s been working on the website.”
I cover my face as I squeak out the words, “We kissed on Friday.”
“YES!” Olivia shouts. “I love a good kissing story.”
“Then you’re going to hate this one.” I look down at my feet because I can’t bear to look at her while I tell her what happened. “We kissed and then I freaked out a little and told him that there was this other guy I’ve been talking to online who I’m going to meet this Friday at the Simone Sorrows thing and that I kind of like this guy too…and then I sort of ran away.”
“And what about Mo?”
“Yeah…what about Mo?” I sigh. “But until I said something to Noah about having feelings for Mo, I’d never thought about it before. But now I can’t stop thinking about it and how I think that falling for Noah would be a bad idea because Mo is perfect. Literally perfect.”
“No one’s perfect, Tally. At the beginning of a friendship or relationship, it might seem like that, but no one is perfect.”
“Perfect for me, I mean,” I say softly. “He gets me. He knows exactly what to say when I’ve had a bad day that will make me smile or help me not feel so down. He’s got great taste in books and movies, and talking to him has always been so easy. But I’ve never seen his face. Can you fall for someone you’ve never seen?”
I look out the wide front window that looks out on Provo's Center Street, just to give myself something to do. There are a few golden leaves clinging to the tree across the street, but the rest of the trees are bare or nearly there. We’ve slipped from fall right into winter, even though I know it’s technically still autumn for another two months. It feels like I’ve blinked and missed the fall weather completely.
“Maybe you can,” Olivia says. “I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but I think you should take a good look at what your heart is telling you and trust it. I promise when you do that, everything will go the way it’s supposed to.”
There’s movement outside that catches my eye as someone walks past the windows. Not just someone, but Noah. He’s walking his dog. For a few precious seconds I’m able to simply look at him. I’m not worried about having him catch me staring, like I’m always thinking about when we’re working together. His cheeks are pink from the cold and he’s looking at his phone. He pauses in front of the shop as if he hadn’t realized where he was.
Noah is the kind of guy who stops and smells all the flowers. I’ve seen him on walks before and he never has his phone out. I wonder what’s happening today that’s so important.
Noah slides his phone into his pocket. He looks up and sees me through the window—sees mestaringat him through the window. I give him an awkward wave and receive his charming grin in return.
