Page 16 of The Luck of Finding You
7
TALLY
“I cannot deal with this today!” I set my phone on the desk. I’ve spent the past hour trying to focus on going over numbers and figuring out an easy way to organize all the random files we have so that I—er, Olivia—can show them to Noah when he gets back.
“What’s going on?” Olivia is nice. Fun, even. Maybe if we hadn’t met as co-workers, we would have been really good friends. And it’s not that I’m not comfortable talking to her, she just wouldn’t be my first choice. I want to talk to Holly, but she has a faculty meeting, so I can’t talk to her for another hour or so, and the only other person I’d talk to about something like this is the one who is making me feel like every single thing in my life had to shift today.
So I decide to tell Olivia. “Mo just asked if we could meet at the Simone Sorrows event. He knows that I live somewhere in Utah, and he bought me a ticket for the St. George book signing. It’s not like I just ran into the guy who I’ve been trying to forget for five years! Why not add more to the table?” I lay my head down on the desk. Saying the words out loud didn’t help me feel any better; in fact, I think I feel more overwhelmed.
“Mo, like your online best friend?” Olivia asks.
“Yeah,” I mumble. Can the world swallow me up now? That’d be great. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.
“And I know the Noah story.” Olivia sinks onto the hardwood chair in the corner, the only available seating option in the small office. “That is a lot for one day. What are you going to do?”
“Schedule you to work with Noah as much as possible so that I don’t have to see him ever.”
Olivia laughs, a sound that usually fills me with some sort of joy, but today it has the opposite effect. “Would it really be so bad to get to know him again?”
I frown. “Yeah. Because he’s the type of guy who walks away without a word. Is it still considered ghosting if you only were together for a single afternoon?” The sting I felt that day washes over me again. I hate that seeing him reminded me of everything, the good and the bad.
I try to forget about the part when he left me, not bothering to say where he was going or even to say goodbye. I blocked it from my memory because other than that part, the afternoon was perfect. But now I can’t forget that part, the fact that he just left. He got a phone call and took off running.
After Mom died, I tried to make up an excuse for him. My best theory was that the person on the phone was calling with news of a terminally ill parent. I tried to ignore the thought that the person on his phone could have been a loving girlfriend and he just happened to cheat on her with me. I really hate that option.
But I can’t let go of the fact that he just up and left. And I’ve never been able to let go of the guilt of not hanging out with Mom that day when she wanted me to.
Olivia’s been letting me sit with my thoughts, but I’m still surprised to see her watching me when I finally look up at her.
“I say meet Mo.” Olivia smiles at me. “He’s one of your best friends, even if you haven’t met in real life, and who knows what could come from that?”
“I’m not sure I want our relationship to be anything more than friends. I’ve always only thought of him as a friend, even though we do flirt sometimes.”
Olivia nods. “That’s fine. But still, keep an open mind about him. And about Noah.”
I scowl.
“I know, probably not what you wanted to hear from me, but I think it could be good for you.”
“I don’t need a man in my life, Olivia.” The words sound forced, even to my ears, even if they are the truth. Mom may have loved all things romance, but she also made it clear that both Holly and I were great people all on our own, and we didn’t need anyone to complete us.
“I didn’t say you did.” Olivia is still watching me carefully. And she may not have said those words, but that’s definitely what she implied. “You are a rockstar of a human, even if I do think you could be a little less grumpy at times. But when was the last time you were really happy? That you did something for yourself? You give so much of your time and yourself to the shop, which is great, but when have you done something for you?”
Her words make me think back to earlier when I mentioned I hadn’t taken a day off in three years. For so long that’s felt like something I could brag about. Now I’m not so sure.
“I’m not saying a man will make you happy. But going out and meeting people, doing something a little crazy…” I give her wide eyes and she laughs. “For you that would be going out to eat instead of ordering in. Doing something different would be good for you. So I say tell Mo you’ll meet him in real life, and try not to completely shut Noah out. He seems like a good guy.”
“You were around him for all of ten minutes.”
“I’m a good judge of character.” Olivia stretches and stands up. “And if you ever need a girlfriend to hang out with, I’m pretty open, my husband works a lot.”
I nod. Maybe I’ll take her up on that.
* * *
When I get home,I FaceTime Holly.
“Hey, Sis.” She’s on her bed with a tub of ice cream, and I can hearCriminal Mindson in the background. How she can watch that show and still sleep at night is beyond me.
