Page 253 of Fangs
The door shut behind him. I let out a frustrated breath, annoyed at myself. It wasn’t his fault he could hear my thoughts. I didn’t have to make him feel bad about it—especially after he came in to comfort me and said some of the sweetest, most beautiful things. My stomach churned with guilt.
The door opened a few seconds later, and Lee walked in, but he wasn’t alone. Wolf and Scar were with him. They asked some more questions, clarifying things that Roe had said. I answered as honestly as possible but kept Menace out of it. I knew the longer I went without telling Wolf, the messier it would be, but I wanted to get Mac’s opinion first. After a while, my eyelids began to droop, and Wolf shooed Lee and Scar out so I could rest. I was grateful that my brother stayed, pulling up a chair and grabbing a book from Nemo’s shelf. He glanced up at me and gave me a slight smile.
“Go ahead and sleep, Em,” he said. “I’m just gonna sit here and read, okay?”
I hummed sleepily and closed my eyes, listening to the pages turn and the low hum of the eleven stones hidden inside a pair of socks in the dresser.
41
The brand healed far more slowly than the first one. The whole damn hold seemed to band together in agreement that I shouldn’t heal unless it was a life-or-death emergency. Wolf refused to let me return to the clinic, insisting he had a good reason. He got a secretive smile every time he said it, so it was clearly somethinggood,but whatever they were doing kept everyone busy. Sam and Clarity hung out with me the most. Mac came by every day but only stayed for a few minutes. The space between us felt strained, and I didn’t know how to fix it. Someone was always with me until the third day when Sam had to leave after breakfast. He promised to come back when he could, but an hour crawled by as I lay in my bed—an hour of replaying everything that had happened with Talmar and the Voiceless.
Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up, put my boots on, and tiptoed down the stairs. Nemo was meeting with his guards in the main room, but I skirted the wall and slipped out the door, not wanting to disturb them. It was cloudy and drizzling slightly, but the weather matched my mood. I visited Violet first, but she wasn’t in the field, or the stables, and several other horses were missing, off being used for something. I lingered near the fence, trying to figure out where to go. I wasn’t supposed to go to the clinic yet. I took a deep breath and let it out. There was one place I needed to visit.
My heart ached as I walked through the small cemetery. I found Sky’s grave quickly; the bare dirt was a dead giveaway. The other graves, including Trey’s, were covered in green now, but there were two fresh ones—one for Hawk and one for Sky.
I knelt beside Sky’s grave and placed my little handful of wildflowers I’d gathered on the dirt, my eyes filling with tears.
“I’m so sorry, Sky,” I whispered. “Thank you for saving my life. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save yours. I should’ve…I should’ve been able to—” my words cut off as I tried to keep the sobs contained. “You mattered, and I’ll carry you with me forever.” I fiercely swiped my sleeve across my eyes. “I’ll make sure no one ever forgets you.”
Then there were no words at all, just tears and grief, and I hoped if her spirit lingered here, she could sense my sincerity. Words felt like such a meaningless thing to offer, but they were all I had. After a while, I pushed myself up and walked the familiar path to Trey’s grave. I stood beside it, staring at the simple marker. I knew it wasn’t fair that I was carrying all this hurt and anger that it had never been him in my dreams, but that didn’t change the fact that Ihurt.
“I wish it would’ve been you,” I whispered, tears and rainwater dripping off my chin, “at least once.”
I would never promise to love you and then leave you.
I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting for control. The worst part about grieving Trey was that the only person I wanted to talk to about itwas Trey. I wanted to pour it all out to him, to feel his comforting arms around me, to lean on him, to let him support me—all the things he’d wanted me to do. What a fucking cruel twist of fate that I only felt ready to do so after he died.
“You just can’t resist torturin’ yourself, can you?”
I choked on a gasp and spun around to see Raven standing a few feet away, her arms crossed. She raised an eyebrow at me as she strode forward, passing me and continuing toward Sky’s grave. I hesitated, then followed. When I caught up, Raven crouched beside Sky’s grave, adding a single yellow buttercup to my little bouquet.
“You bring these?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I mumbled.
Raven rested her elbows on her knees and fell silent. The half of her head that wasn’t shaved faced me, and her long black hair hung over her face and hid her expression, but I could feel her pain. I watched her, my heart aching, wondering if she had any other family left alive or if Sky had been the last one.
“When she was four, I convinced her that buttercups were where butter came from, and she ate a whole bunch. Turns out, buttercups are toxic, and she fuckin’ puked all night long. My aunt just about tanned my hide.” Raven’s voice shook slightly. “She hated buttercups after that, and me and my other cousins used to leave them everywhere for her to find—just being lil’ assholes. She’d get so mad.” She paused. “I saw this one on my way to the garage and figured if she ever expected me to put flowers on her grave, it’d probably be buttercups.”
She fell quiet, and when she didn’t move after a minute, I couldn’t just stand there silently any longer. I crouched next to her, gingerly wrapping an arm around her. I kept my eyes on the flowers, watching raindrops run down the petals. I tried to brace myself for her to shove me away, but she didn’t.
“Our moms had a falling out. They were sisters and fought constantly, but this time, it was bad. They stopped talkin’, and we just didn’t really get to see each other much. I didn’t see them at all after I joined the guards, so I didn’t know my aunt turned into an addict and stopped takin’ care of my cousins. By the time I tried to reconnect, she didn’t want anythin’ to do with me. When she was thirteen, she left home to move in with her boyfriend—a grown-ass man.”
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever heard Raven talk this much before, so despite my feet going numb and the cold rain slowly soaking into my bones, I didn’t move, listening.
“Her boyfriend was an asshole. He started pimpin’ her out to the guards so they’d look the other way when he and his asshole buddies smuggled drugs in. Somethin’ happened one night—shit went south, and her boyfriend shot one of the guards. He was killed by another guard, but they still arrested Sky and charged her with all the crimes her boyfriend had been committing. She was in the cells for almost a whole fuckin’ year, and I didn’t even know she’d been thrown into the Sentencing until she came runnin’ screamin’ for Trey ’cause you were dying in the Pit.”
I swallowed hard, sorrow and rage entangling around my ribs. Even without knowing the details of Sky’s story, I wasn’t surprised. I’d known what sort of story she’d have, and I hated that. I remembered Wolf remarking I didn’t seem surprised about what the Voiceless wanted. Of course, I wasn’t. None of this was a surprise. When you were small and weak, you always found yourself under someone’s boot. I hoped in her final moments, when she’d burned Hawk to ash, she felt powerful and feared—at least for a moment.
I took a breath, but Raven’s sharp voice cut me off.
“Don’t apologize.”
I snapped my mouth shut so fast my teeth clicked together, but she startled me by huffing a laugh. When I glanced at her, she rolled her eyes.
“You gotta stop bein’ so predictable, Boney.” Before I could think of a response, she was standing up and hauling me with her. “C’mon, you look like a half-drowned cat.”
I scanned her wet black hair sticking to her face and the rainwater or perhaps tears clinging to her eyelashes. “You’re one to talk,” I grumbled.
