Page 105 of Fangs
“We weren’t tryin’ to overhear your argument, but, well, it’s a small building. And I just wanted to let you know from an outsider’s view, it seems obvious your crew loves you as much as we love Wolf.”
Tears welled in my eyes, and I bit my cheek hard.
“I know for a fact he’s sittin’ on the porch right now if you want me to send him up here. Poor boy looks exhausted. I don’t think he’s been sleeping.”
I hesitated for a long moment but then nodded slightly.
“I’ll go tell him,” she smiled. “Thanks for letting me do your hair.”
After she disappeared down the ladder, I carefully reached up and felt the two braids she’d put in my hair. They felt much neater than my regular messy braids. I heard the door open downstairs and tried to figure out what the fuck I was going to say to Sam.
His head popped up over the loft a minute later, and I felt even worse. He looked pale with dark circles under his eyes. His short blond hair was messy, as if he’d been pulling on it.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice shook as he pulled himself up and crossed the loft to crouch beside my mattress. “I’ve never thought of you as a thing, I swear. You’ve always been a person to me,always,but I?—”
I interrupted him by throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face in his bony shoulder. He immediately wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me back tightly.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“No, I’m sorry.” My voice cracked. “I never should’ve yelled at you like that.”
He pulled away to grip my face in his hands. There were tears in his blue eyes. “You are not a thing,” he said fiercely. “Not to me, not to anybody else on our crew. I’m sorry Trey was the only one of us smart enough to say it out loud.”
“I saw him,” I whispered, my eyes overflowing.
His brow furrowed. “Trey?”
“In my dream that night.”
He looked confused as if thinking about all the times I woke up screaming Trey’s name.
“Not a nightmare.” My voice broke. “It didn’t even feel like a dream. It felt real—so real. He wasthere. We were together, and then I had to watch him disappear—again.”
He dropped his hands from my face, one fist rubbing at his chest. His eyes grew vacant, and his entire body sagged. It was jarring to see—to realize just how much grief he’d been hiding behind his jokes.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
“I can’t do this, Sam,” I whispered through the tears. “I can’t.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, and then he wrapped his arms around me again. “You know, his bunk was the one under mine. And I still find myself hangin’ over the edge to tell him somethin’ I thought of, only to see it empty and remember he’s gone.” He took a shaky breath. “I think he’ll always be the first person I think of when I want to talk to somebody.”
“I just want him back,” I sobbed. “I’d do anythin’ to get him back.”
“I know,” he whispered. “Me too.”
We ended up curled up on my mattress together, both of us consumed by grief, but for the first time in a while, I didn’t feel alone.
18
Isquinted in confusion at the bright daylight. What the hell time was it? I tried to shift on my mattress and realized with a start, I wasn’t alone. I twisted in a panic, first checking to make sure I was still clothed and then to see who the hell was in bed with me. My fear faded as quickly as it came when I saw Sam curled up behind me, his arm draped over my ribs as he lightly snored. We’d cried together for a long time and apparently fallen asleep. It was the first night in recent memory I hadn’t had a nightmare.
My heart swelled. It was strange to know that I loved him. Not in a romantic way, but I did love him. I loved everyone on my crew, but I felt connected to Sam in a way I hadn’t felt since Dune died. I stayed half-propped up for a moment, but I didn’tneedto get up yet, so I lay back down and closed my eyes. It was nice to feel another body curled around me.
It was only a couple minutes later that Sam suddenly jerked awake, scaring the shit out of me. I twisted to look at him. He was sitting up, his short hair sticking in every direction, and staring at me with a comical mix of confusion, shock, and panic. He glanced down at his body, seeming to relax when he saw he was still fully dressed.
“That’s the first thing I did, too,” I said, my voice hoarse with sleep, but that insane smile crept over my face.
His eyes narrowed. “Did you lure me into your bed, you siren?”
