Page 44 of Charming the Accidental Suitor
“II’ll always have a place in my heart for my wife, yes.” His brows furrowed. “I am not still heartbroken, nor am I pining away over her memory, if that’s what you think. I met Catherine when I was young, and we married quickly. Truthfully, I sometimes wonder how we would have gotten on if we’d had the time most couples have. As it was, I will always rememberher with fondness, but…” His throat worked as he swallowed. “But I didn’t know her well enough to miss her in the way my grandmother misses my grandfather. He was part of her life for decades and they truly shared a life. With Catherine, I think sometimes that what I miss most is…” He looked upward, his eyes searching the stars. “I miss the life we thought we’d have. I miss the man I was when I met and married her. But I am not that man anymore. Grief and loneliness and forging a new path in life…all this has led me to be someone else altogether. I often think that if by some miracle Catherine were to come back to me today she would not recognize me. And she would likely not fall in love with me. And I’m…I’m not certain I’d fall in love with her either.”
Felicity took a step back, her brows furrowed. “Don’t say that. Of course she’d love you.”
His smile was so soft and tender, it took her breath away. “Do you think so?”
“Of course!”
He let out a huff of laughter and then reached for her again. This time he tried to pull her close, but she resisted.
“I appreciate the explanation…” She swallowed. “But it is unnecessary.”
“It is, though, because you clearly do not understand.” The exasperation in his voice made her want to smile and cry at the same time.
She’d grown oddly fond of his irritated gruff tone since she only ever heard it aimed at her, and usually when she was teasing him.
“For a long time I thought I would not marry again,” he started.
“You wanted to marry Ann,” she interrupted.
He arched a brow.
“It’s true, you wanted Ann,” she argued.
“I wanted what Ann and I could have together.”
She didn’t think her heart could hurt any more than it had the night he’d rejected her. But here she was, with her heart feeling as though it was cracking in two. “I see.”
“You don’t see. Not at all,” he snapped. “I thought I wanted Ann because…because she could never make me feel likethis.” He snagged her waist and pulled her so close she could feel his body heat, so warm compared to the night breeze.
“I spent years trying to avoid getting hurt again. I avoided loving and losing. I didn’t want to feel too much about anything or anyone because I thought…” He shook his head. “I’d played the game and lost, and I had no intention of playing again.”
She frowned up at him. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I felt that way right up until a ridiculous, funny, irritating young lady fell into my life.” He glanced up meaningfully at the tree limb as her lips parted on a gasp.
It wasn’t his words so much as the passion in his voice that left her trembling.
“Ever since that day I’ve been feeling things I never wanted to feel. I’ve laughed and lost my temper. I’ve…” He shook his head, his dark eyes blazing with emotion. “I’velived. I’ve lived more these past weeks with you than I have in years.”
Her heart was thundering in her ears and her hands fluttered over his chest as she tried to sort out if she wanted to pull him closer or push him away. He was confusing her. She’d been so sure she was making the right choice, doing what was right for him, and now here he was…
She shut her eyes tight. It was too much. “What are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying I’ve fallen in love with you, Felicity.”
She opened her eyes and her gaze met his. And it was there. That love he spoke of was right there in his eyes, shining back at her and making her heart swell and her eyes tear up.
He swiped a tear from her cheek. “I love you. That’s what I came here to say.”
“But…but that night…” She clutched his shirt now, and pulled him close. “That night…”
“That night I was a blasted fool,” he said with a shake of his head. “Your proposal caught me off guard, and I…” He sighed. “I didn’t know what to make of all these feelings. It was like a bottle of champagne had been popped open and all came spilling out.”
She nodded.
“And I thought…” He huffed. “I thought you were making light of marriage…making light of me. And I’d only just realized that I’m in love with you and?—”
She cut him off with a kiss.
