Page 81 of One Little Kiss
“Is anyone ever psyched to take a test?” I ask.
“Good point. Although, I bet Celia gets pumped.”
We both laugh at that because, yeah, she probably does.
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” I say. “And if I don’t pass today…”
“You’ll pass next time,” Addie finishes. “Elijah was right. It just takes persistence, and you’re nothing if not stubborn.”
I make a little face. “Thanks a lot.”
“Speaking of stubborn…” she drawls.
“Subtle. Very subtle.”
“When are you going to have an honest conversation and tell Elijah that you have feelings for him?”
I wince. “I don’t know. I’m starting to regret tellingyou,and telling him will be even harder.”
She rolls her eyes. “You don’t regret telling me, you just hate that I’m right. You can’t avoid this conversation forever and you know it.”
I nod. “I do know this. I just…” I turn to face the phone on my nightstand. “I’m scared, Addie.”
“I know, sweetie. Trust me, I get it.”
“What if it doesn’t work out? What if he changes his mind? What if we never get past the awkward and we can never go back to being friends?”
“You know…” Addie sighs. “I wish I could give you some guarantee. Tell you that for sure it’s all gonna work out for you two. But I think…I think falling in love doesn’t work like that, you know?”
“Love?” I squawk. “I didn’t use the L-word. I’m not there yet.”
Addie laughs. “Okay, fine.”
She clearly doesn’t believe me. I don’t know if I believe me. Because not being with Elijah these past couple weeks has been awful. Like, there’s a piece of me missing when he’s not in my life and at my side.
Is that love? I don’t know. Maybe. But right now, all that matters is that I get him back. But before I do, I need to make sure I’m ready. That I know my own self and can trust that I won’t treat him badly or depend on him too much.
I let out a shaky breath. Which is tough, because I already need him. But, like Addie keeps telling me, it’s okay to need people. It’s okay to want them in your life so badly it hurts.
That’s not the same thing as being needy or dependent or not having a life and a mind of your own.
I get that. I do.
But it’s still terrifying.
The thought of losing Elijah forever is the scariest possibility of all.
“So?” Addie says. “You’ll talk to him?”
“I guess I have to, right? I’m realizing now that there’s no going back, so…do I have any other choice?”
“You always have a choice but, in this case, I think you’re right that you can’t really go back. Not to the exact same way it was between you, at least.” Addie purses her lips “You’ve come out of the cocoon,” she says at last.
“Um…what?”
“A butterfly can’t go back into a cocoon after it leaves it, right? For better or worse, you and Elijah are out of the friend cocoon. So now it’s time to spread your wings and fly, little butterfly.”
I arch my brows, not hiding my skepticism.
