Page 78 of One Little Kiss
I am struck dumb at the intensity in his voice, at the ferocity in his gaze.
He takes one look at my wide-eyed surprise and huffs in exasperation, then runs a hand through his hair. “If you don’t want to be your mom, Noelle, then don’t act like her.”
He’s said that before and he’s saying it again like it’s common sense. And…
Maybe it is. Maybe it’s that simple. But right now, I don’t see it. It’s a lifetime of thinking and conditioning that I can’t just flip on its head.
“I have to go.” I whisper it, but I know he hears me.
He doesn’t try to stop me, and this time when I walk away from him, I wish he would.
I wish more than anything that I hadn’t left the car. That I’d turned toward him instead.
That I’d kissed Elijah until all the rest of my doubts and indecision disappeared.
TWENTY
Elijah
If I thoughtthings would be different between us come Monday, I was wrong.
We might’ve had a moment in the car the other night, but she’s back to ignoring me. Running from me. At least now I guess I know why.
But by Thursday, I am thoroughly out of patience. I’ve had days to process what she said, to play over that conversation, as well as all the other things she’s said over the years to clarify her doubts and insecurities even more.
So now at least I get why she’s so freaked at the thought of us taking things to a new level. But knowing…that kinda makes it worse. How am I supposed to combat all her mom’s crazy, toxic thinking? I always knew her parents were messed up in that regard. I mean, seriously. Who sets their daughter up with an intern?
It’s too weird, and they are way too backwards.
My parents don’t win any Parents of the Year awards, but I’m starting to think maybe I’ve had the sweeter deal between the two of us. My parents might not care overly much which school I go to, but they expect me to do something with myself next year.
They expect me to have a career of my own and not freeload off of them like some kids might. They might not pay much attention, but they’ve never made me doubt my own worth.
Worse…Noelle’s parents have made her feel bad about her power and sexuality. Like every time she flirts with a guy, it’s a power move and not just…a seventeen-year-old girl enjoying guys and figuring out how to relate to them.
That’s what really kills me. And it explains so much. Why my stupid comments about her getting rides or not deserving to win the scavenger hunt made her so upset…
Because she thought I was right.
She thinks it’s true and that I believe it too.
Guilt and anger make me even surlier this week than I was last week. And it doesn’t help that Noelle’s not even giving me a chance to talk to her.
“She’s skipping lunch? Again?” I glower at the cafeteria table full of friends as if daring one of them to contradict me.
No one pretends they don’t know who I’m talking about. When I came back home without Noelle the other night, there wasn’t a single person at my house who didn’t look at me with pity. And that pity has been pretty consistent all week when Noelle finds ways to evade me at every turn.
“I’m worried about her,” Celia says. “Maybe I should go find her.”
“I saw her on my way here,” Ryan says. “She’s good, just spending her lunch breaks with Mr. Carlson.”
I stiffen, still standing next to the table.
“The drivers’ ed teacher?” Mara’s voice goes up at the end.
Ryan nods, his mouth too full to answer.
Heath fills in for him. “Celia and I talked to Addie yesterday. Noelle’s been talking to her so…she’s not alone.” He casts a quick glance up at me.
